To all my old and new friends, I hope you have a wonderful holiday. This post is not for you*.
To everybody else, I want to give you a shoutout, because I’m sure you get tired of always being called the “bad guys” in life. If you mean to do what it is you are doing, you should get recognition for it, right?
Let’s start with the youngest of the crowd: the children and teenagers. You elementary, junior and high school folks have really set your feet on the path to greatness. You’ve managed to increase the number of successful self-inflicted exit strategies–especially among girls between ages 8 and 12–by 8% in 2024. Through a combination of verbal and physical abuse, not to mention the social media comments you managed to sneak (with fake accounts) into the feeds of people you have judged unworthy of life on this planet, you took out some people this year. Although, by your own admission, they were not equal to you, so why compete against folks lesser than you, or does that make sliding through school easier (along with the other cheating methods you successfully employ every day)?
Now let’s go on to the men in the crowd. Did you make sure to tell the woman in your life how awful they are today? If you haven’t, you may be a few dozen repetitions behind. Maybe it’s because you haven’t gotten your daily smoke or drink to shore you up for the task at hand. Heaven knows you can’t function without some ingested courage and some choice words to keep your girly and the little brats in line. Be sure to make your actions take over for your lack of words (your short education being the fault of a school system that never liked you, either). Be sure to look long at the people in your home while they huddle in a corner or cower behind a chair, because this is what your goal has always been, and you should drink it in with as much enthusiasm as your next beer. Bravo, dudes.
As to those women out there, I don’t know what happened between the good old days of congenial interactions with others and today, but nowadays if you’re not well-versed in behaving like an entitled person, what are you waiting for? Be sure to let customer service people know what a lousy job they are doing. Practice your impatient huffing and well-worded insults you will need for nail technicians and your kids’ teachers. Rules don’t apply to you, after all. They do apply to the hired underlings you need to deal with daily.
Everybody also needs to remember that this whole experience of living is meant to be done in contempt of everything about it. How dare life be inconsiderate of your every immediate need every day. When you take Fido for a walk, leave his business on somebody else’s lawn; yours needs to look as if you don’t own a dog that actually poops, after all. Go to public places with obscenities printed on your clothing; little kids learning to read need to get a lesson in how real people speak, after all. Make sure you park crooked, or cut in line at checkout, because rules are for everybody else, and you have graduated beyond such little things that are for average folks.
Business executives should be proud of all the extra money they made this year. Your bread still costs the same as your lowest paid employees’ loaf. Pay no attention to them or your customers, because they don’t matter.
Customers should be proud of how they managed to get away with so much shoplifting and perpetrating scams that gave you stuff you needed this year. Pay no attention to the employees of the businesses you ripped off, because they don’t matter. Oh and yes, that stuff you got which was the hot trend is now in a landfill or at the bottom of the ocean after you threw it out. Not your problem.
Employees should be proud of how little work they did this past year. Pay no attention to the supporting businesses in your company. They made sure you got the medications you needed for the affliction you got for yourself (due to some messed-up stuff in your life you couldn’t get through without some kind of ingested courage or new habit you picked up). Forget about your managers and supervisors, too. Whatever you got from working this year, it still wasn’t enough.
While you’re fist-pumping in exaltation over your achieved goals this year, be sure to pay no attention to people who deserve and cannot find the most basic things in life, such as love and kindness, or a simple meal once a day. Senior living facilities and shelters will be full of unwanted people this holiday. It’s their problem because they’re still alive when nobody cares about them. Turn away from what you feel is ugly and inconvenient. Put others in their place with your words or your actions. This is what makes the world the way you want to live in it.
Bravo to you.
*(If you are among my old or new friends, and you read all of this despite my warning and are appalled, so am I. Life shouldn’t need to call out these things, but it won’t be a happy time for many, and if one person sees this and has an epiphany, it will be worth it. Making the world better happens one person at a time, and in seeing what is bad in us, we can do better at being good.)
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