kayewer

Author Archives: kayewer
- April Tools Day
  
  Posted at 2:22 am by kayewer, on March 31, 2013
  We have come to the end of March at last. I thought it would never get here. It was a slow month for me, and I think a lot of other people might agree. We got so impatient for spring to start, some folks were talking mutiny against Punxsutawney Phil–the early spring predicting groundhog–just because it snowed after the first day of spring. We’ve seen snow in April; I remember one notorious day in May in which temps dipped into the single digits and the wind chill killed every living thing in its prime. Nature throws rodents a curve, too, so don’t blame the messenger (in fact, Phil’s owner now claims he misread the little rascal’s cues and blames himself for the premature prognostication).
  
  When April comes, tax day isn’t far behind, and this year it falls on Monday. Folks who hate Monday to begin with will really have something to gripe about, especially if they’re filing at the last minute.
  
  April also puts us through the first third of the year, and some of us aren’t ready for the year to be one third over already. There are still spring cleaning days ahead, plans for graduations and weddings and Mother’s Day (just another month away). Some people wish we could have April days in February to give us extra time to prepare for the rest of the year.
  
  April Fools Day is on Monday this year, so be sure to screw up everybody’s sense of balance and come up with some elaborate thing to say that will give them pause this Monday. Remember that your workplace probably has to report on activities for the end of the week and month, and there are plenty of chances to cause commotion. Try mixing up your Monday by giving everybody a reason to laugh. Wear a funny hat or something.
  
  The grass is going to start growing, which means you should start watching for crab grass and dandelions. I’m so in tune with my lawn, I can spot a dandelion at twenty paces as long as I have my glasses on. If you’re a man, e sure to visit the DIY store in your area (both big chains if you have them); if you’re a woman, go with him and linger in the kitchen remodeling department.
  
  Finally, now that March is ending, let’s take a look back on the past three months and sigh with relief. We don’t have to go through them ever again.
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- While I Was Away
  
  Posted at 1:59 am by kayewer, on March 24, 2013
  I wish I had something riding on when the new pontiff would be chosen, because I knew when it would happen and I was watching when it did. But that’s what happens when one goes on vacation. Nobody knows what your life is like unless you choose to advertise it. I didn’t brood on it: instead I’ve put money on the Powerball jackpot in the office pool now that I’ve gone back to the office. The odds are worse than those of figuring out when the world would get a new pope, but it’s easier to handle losing on a lottery than on a prediction nobody witnessed.
  
  There was also the pending issue of the can opener. I did buy a new one, and it works great, except that it is too sleek to handle large cans without toppling over. Funny that we can live in space (having moved up from just sending a man to the moon–and we sent women, too) but not invent a good can opener.
  
  While I was gone my route to work changed dramatically. It seems construction moves faster when you don’t see it for a week or more than it does for the months in which you’re driving in it. I also received word that another leg of my journey will become a construction zone soon. So I drive around hard hats and girders. What else can happen to a long day’s journey to work that hasn’t already happened?
  
  The office was glad to have me back. They didn’t have anything tragic or hectic occur in my absence, so even though they missed me they didn’t get desperate enough to call me for advice on anything. The worst thing that happened was a bit of confusion about finding a printer toner cartridge. That’s one thing on which you can bet one will run out while you are away.
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- On Vacation
  
  Posted at 1:52 am by kayewer, on March 10, 2013
  I am taking a week off. With any luck, I’ll have the opportunity to use my new can opener before I return.
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- The Can Opener Quest
  
  Posted at 3:23 am by kayewer, on March 3, 2013
  I have been on a mission to find a new electric can opener. Sure I could use a manual one, and I have one or two in the kitchen drawer, but when time is an issue you can’t beat the efficiency of a working electronic device. The one I’m using does open cans, but the darned thing won’t shut off afterward. The can simply keeps spinning until you pull the plug. Some folks would say you should unplug all devices when they’re not in use, but I have never known anybody who does that, and I have never been in the kitchen of somebody who says it. I simply try to clean and inspect the device, but it stays unplugged and has finally outlived its usefulness.
  
  I tried Target (or, as one calls it to sound more upper-class, Tar-zhay) and was surprised to find no can openers in their kitchen ware aisles. There were blenders and toasters and immersion style “boat motors” in colors to match a rainbow kitchen, but no electric can openers. Not even one by Mossimo.
  
  I had been in Boscov’s the other day, but the sales associate did not seem enthusiastic about their high prices or selection. I felt a bit discouraged as well. One should not need to pay so much for such a device, even if it does say Cuisinart.
  
  That might explain why some cans now come in pop-top lids. There might well be a conspiracy against the can opener industry in which can makers are on a campaign to turn the public off to the things: they will make cans you can open with a flip of an aluminum tab, and the electric can openers will go the way of the dodo. It’s that type of plot that makes one want to buy two can openers; if one breaks, you have a replacement or, if they do go out of style, they may become a commodity on the black market someday.
  
  When I have tried everything, I then sigh in resignation and go to SLR*. Yup, they had four models. One was a basic $10 model in black or white; the second was for taller cans; a third came in all chrome and cost what one would expect for such amenities, and the fourth cut a “safety edge” below the actual top of the can to prevent injury. The latter was out of the question, especially when trying to get a can of jellied cranberry sauce out in one perfect log. I don’t want any flesh wounds on my cranberry sauce.
  
  I looked carefully at the features of each product. One boasted a warranty; none boasted being made in America. One also had a tool which rests in a special slot in back of the device and can be used to open plastic clam boxes and other annoying theft-proof containers of our privileged thievery centered society.
  
  The boxes for all of these items in stock had also been inspected by, it seems, every visitor to the aisle with a heavy hand and an inquiring mind. They were mutilated enough to make one question the validity of the contents. So I decided to try another location today, to find that only one model was on the shelf and had been opened.
  
  Maybe one of those old reliable Swing-A-Ways might not be such a bad idea after all.
  
  *(Wal-Mart, which I nicknamed the Store of Last Resort)
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  Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments | Tagged Boscovs, Electric Can Opener, Target, WalMart
- Oscar Nigh a Winner
  
  Posted at 2:17 am by kayewer, on February 24, 2013
  So it’s award season at last, and the movie industry would like to convince you that there are some good pictures in contention for a sleek humanoid trophy. My issues with movie awards is that the guys in suits who bankroll the films we watch all year go out of their way to promote their films as great, yet a majority of the big attendance productions don’t get recognized at award time.
  
  I think it’s a plot. And not one found in a script.
  
  The theatres put out a few movies a week. Most get packed theatres the first weekend, then they taper off because social rules state that if you don’t see the film the first weekend, you’ll be on the back-end of the discussions about it. In fact, one must know all about the actors, the shooting schedule, the special effects, the scandal and the spoilers before entering the theatre. If you don’t, some goof seated behind you will fill you in while talking on his cell phone to his computer geek friend who can’t leave the house while Worlds of Mayhem Part 19 is loading on his gaming system.
  
  The movies that get nominated for minor categories like costumes, effects and such might well be designed for that purpose. One or two well-done movies still need competition to look good when they win.
  
  The blockbuster movies are specially filmed, casted, promoted and fine tuned to lure a huge demographic of people who fit in a nice middle range in the system of categorizing populations. You buy the tickets, the nachos and the promotional clothing and tie-in gear. By the time you leave the theatre, the hype is over like the restroom door slamming behind you; quickly forgotten. Like a roller coaster with one big plunge, there is a moment of exhilaration, then it’s just another ride.
  
  The B-grade movies draw a more exclusive demographic and will never make in profits what was spent. They also never get nominated for an award.
  
  I actually did see Les Miserables and it was a good movie. It was not great, but it had the mechanics of a well made production, and that is what matters. It won’t win anything major because it is a movie version of a Broadway musical based on a classic novel. That’s three strikes in a world where brief YouTube videos are more popular than novels and musicals are looked upon as creative fodder for filler films rather than a trustworthy source for good movie material. I don’t agree with that, but it would take more than a blog to explain it all.
  
  The award season is still begging for good movies. Sure we recognize the best, but even that isn’t all we could have.
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  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged academy awards, oscars
- Killing Joy
  
  Posted at 3:01 am by kayewer, on February 17, 2013
  This past week, two people were charged with conspiracy to commit murder. The weaponry to be used against their intended targets included a knife and gun; the gun was a .45-caliber semi-automatic handgun and the knife was 3.25 inches.
  
  We hear about murder plots every day. The shocking part of this incident is that the boys are fifth grade elementary school students, ages ten and eleven. Their primary victim was a girl–a fellow student whom they both dated previously but they claim made fun of and annoyed them–and they plotted against six other students they intended to lure away from school one by one to kill. One brother intended to use the knife while the other stood guard with the gun.
  
  The gun belonged to one suspect’s older brother’s late grandfather and had been stolen when the brother visited the grandfather’s home. He is also a juvenile.
  
  So let’s look at the story in detail for a minute. Fifth grade students dating? They shouldn’t even be looking at each other. Then after experiencing two breakups, the boys think about murder, while the girl entertains her friends with derogatory stories about the failed relationships. Worse, these young men are under the impression that the best way to handle other persons’ shortcomings is to kill them.
  
  This is the generation we should worry about because they don’t seem to know how to tackle anything that does not provide gratification or instantaneous results. Bottle-fed on ego overstuffing ads and commercials, brainwashed by the concepts of manufactured perfection and entitlement, and visually bombarded by the constant stimulation of instant messaging, thanks to youngsters like this pair we are engaged in a fight against a type of prejudice and gang ethic nobody could have imagined twenty years ago. These young people may grow up to be spin-off radicals that make the Taliban look like a poker night social party. If you worry about bullying now, wait until the school system collapses completely under the weight of a student body out of control.
  
  If somebody annoys you, kill them? What would they do to a teacher who gave them a “C” in social studies?
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  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged juvenile violence
- It Was Clean. Really
  
  Posted at 3:25 am by kayewer, on February 10, 2013
  I cleaned the kitchen a few days ago, but this morning I caught the sunlight bouncing off a cobweb under a chair. Isn’t a cobweb a strange concept? A spider spins a spider web, so I assume a cob spins a cobweb. That was one fast cob, too. Makes me look bad, too, to have cobwebs under my kitchen chair, especially when I just cleaned.
  
  Cobwebs in visual media like television and the movies symbolize unused creepy homes or neglected hidden rooms. My kitchen is not part of that category. In fact, I just finished a gigantic pot of lentil soup in my cobwebby kitchen (which I had to delay in order to remove said cobwebs from the chair). The recipe came from a magazine a few years ago, and I’ve made this soup quite a few times. It contains vegetable stock, carrots, onions, cumin, tomatoes and baby spinach. I doubled the recipe to give some to a friend, and I wasn’t sure it would all fit into the huge dutch oven I had chosen, but the spinach shrank suitably and I wound up with two big containers and a bowl for a week’s worth for myself. Not bad for an hour in the kitchen: an hour and ten minutes if you count my cobweb removing duties.
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  Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged cobwebs, lentil soup
- Dinner for Lunch? Linner?
  
  Posted at 3:15 am by kayewer, on February 3, 2013
  I have a favorite term for the meal that falls–either accidentally or on purpose–between the lunch and dinner times: linner. Like brunch (the time for a meal not considered totally breakfast or lunch), linner can be a meal of any size and be almost anything to get you through the afternoon.
  
  It seems that people are increasingly falling into the habit of eating a big meal for lunch. My company cafeteria prepares wonderful meals starting at 11:00 in the morning, including turkey breast carved from the actual bird, salmon with risotto (which I hope would not make Gordon Ramsay’s blood boil) and a variety of specialties one would not expect to sit on a hot table with a sneeze shield.
  
  The problem is that linner can cost $5.00 and up, while preparing a meal at home can be much less expensive. Now that some of the tax breaks we enjoyed until the new year have gone away, my food budget went down with my take-home pay. Who can spend $25 or more a week to eat lunch? Or linner?
  
  Of course the food offered for lunch is comfort food (one must have stuffing and gravy with that turkey breast carved to order), and nutrition experts and exercise gurus would advise heading to the salad bar instead. I’ve done that, too. A few spinach on a foam plate with mushrooms, tomatoes and vinaigrette can do the trick on some occasions. It doesn’t always fill the gut until 5:00, though.
  
  The struggle for a good three meal day goes on. Do brunch and linner count as four meals or just two?
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- On the Black Mountain
  
  Posted at 3:33 am by kayewer, on January 27, 2013
  I just read an article about a place called Negro Mountain, a ridge in the Alleghenies in Pennsylvania near the borders of Maryland and West Virginia. A lawmaker, Rosita Youngblood (D., PA) wants the name to be changed, but more on that later.
  
  Names of things can cause difficulties in the wrong context, so I can see how the name of this mountain might cause a raised eyebrow or two in today’s anti-racism culture. On the other hand, the mountain has had the name since the 1700s to recognize the sacrifice of a man who defended the cause during the French & Indian War. The article does mention that the original moniker was another “n word” which nobody uses in civilized society, so somebody apparently did make an effort to be more polite by changing it once already.
  
  In Spanish countries, negro is the term for the color black, so using the current name gives it a distinction from the Black Hills we all know. Nobody that I know has ever had an issue with the color black, though dictionaries refer to the term black as being dark in nature or attitude, or even diabolic (think of the “black arts” or black souls). Some hills and mountains are indeed diabolic, as you can find out from anybody who has tried to scale them.
  
  But we digress. A Spanish person would find nothing wrong with negro/black mountain. Our issue is over our understanding of who a negro is to us and why a place should be named for what one is rather than who.
  
  So somebody back in the 18th century dedicated a mountain to a person by referring to him by his race, probably because he was a rarity in a world still dealing with the subject of a person’s place when in forced servitude: this person fought alongside others for the common cause, apparently because he wanted to. In a world where we’re trying to decide how to refer to people without offense, we have to be clear on things that help with identification, and avoid being demeaning.
  
  However, when we look at words like black, and realize they refer to a person of color during a controversial time in our history, does Youngblood really want to rename the mountain for the person’s name, which itself defines a contrarian, unfriendly relationship between people?
  
  The hero’s name is Nemesis.
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  Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments | Tagged negro mountain, nemesis
- Can I Not Help You?
  
  Posted at 4:02 am by kayewer, on January 20, 2013
  My office is planning an event which encourages coming dressed with a theme or full costume. Being budget conscious, I figured I might be able to put something together without going full out for a rental outfit or buy one which would be passe’ if worn twice. I had an appropriately themed shirt and hoodie which would serve well (and which made a store employee very happy when I bought them), but I knew there was more I could do and still not bust my budget.
  
  Since my schedule had me going to Philadelphia, I checked out some options by searching online for costume shops. The perfect answer came up instantly in the form of Baum’s, a Philadelphia staple for dance which also advertises costume ideas. I’m familiar with Baum’s; as a little ballerina at dance school, our slippers and outfits came from Baum’s. The air of nostalgia washed over me as I walked into their store.
  
  It took the sales representative about ten seconds to flog nostalgia to death.
  
  After about 35 years off pointe, I guess I don’t look like the typical ballet customer, but it would not have hurt the lady standing by a display case courting achy feet and no sales to go to some effort. I was pleasant and enthusiastic, but in return I received lukewarm involvement from her and little hope of finding anything worthwhile.
  
  While browsing about the store, hoping for some revival of spirit from my disinterested salesperson, I came upon a skirt which looked promising, and I had visions of how I could add a pair of tights. All they had was black and pink, she replied. Come on, what ever happened to dancewear in colors, for goodness sake?
  
  Baum’s lost, but so did I. I won’t be going to the event in costume, and they won’t have a bigger sales tally when they add up the day’s potential paycheck money. What a shame.
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  Eden on A Good Rabbit Hole
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  Eden on The Unasked Questions
  Eden on And Her Shoes Were #9

	Eden on A Good Rabbit Hole
	Eden on Free Secretary
	Eden on Getting the Message
	Eden on The Unasked Questions
	Eden on And Her Shoes Were #9

Author Archives: kayewer

Posted at 2:22 am by kayewer, on March 31, 2013

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Posted at 1:59 am by kayewer, on March 24, 2013

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Posted at 1:52 am by kayewer, on March 10, 2013

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Posted at 3:23 am by kayewer, on March 3, 2013

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Posted at 2:17 am by kayewer, on February 24, 2013

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Posted at 3:01 am by kayewer, on February 17, 2013

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Posted at 3:25 am by kayewer, on February 10, 2013

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Posted at 3:15 am by kayewer, on February 3, 2013

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Posted at 3:33 am by kayewer, on January 27, 2013

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Posted at 4:02 am by kayewer, on January 20, 2013

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