Women have a rough time simply by not being men. Men seem to generally disregard traits among their companions that we would notice (and likely judge) immediately. Beer bellies are shrugged off on a dude, but a woman who is slightly thick in the midsection is slovenly. This is a subject that has been written about for ages, and I’m certainly not the one to settle it in a small blog post, so I’m not going to try. I will, however, delve into another subject women are most familiar with.
Men seem to want to claim us. We are, to some men, like a car or baseball memorabilia collection, only with a need for food and shelter and some attention at least once a day (if we’re lucky). Our modern society is still tiptoeing around topics such as spousal mistreatment and separation entitlements. Sometimes marriage between a woman and a man seems more like a mall bargain than a commitment to another human being.
What brought this to mind was a shocking revelation which came across my social media feed this past week. Among the topics such as a woman who interprets the oriental characters on people’s tattoos to determine if they mean something or are simply gibberish, and a man who tours dead or dying malls, a nostalgia piece appeared to remind viewers of an empowering moment in a late night talk show from 54 years ago.
Dick Cavett was hosting his Friday talk show on March 31, 1972. The special guests were Lily Tomlin and Chad Everett. Ms. Tomlin had won a Grammy for a comedy album, becoming the first solo woman to do so in that category. Her continued fame on the variety show Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In solidified her as a celebrity of note, and she was using her moment in the spotlight to defend women’s rights. Chad Everett was still (comfortably) a major star and heartthrob on the show Medical Center.
The conversation had turned to Everett’s narration of a piece about animals, leading to a remark about his life off-set, and he noted that he had a menagerie at home which included three horses, three dogs, and a wife. The audience’s laughter became nervous at that remark, so Cavett, trying to redirect the topic, asked if he wanted to change the “billing order” of the remark, and he shrugged it off by replying that his wife was the “most beautiful animal I own.”
To coin a phrase, Lily Tomlin’s flabbers were totally gasted at this, and she replied, “You own?” She stood immediately, adding simply, “I have to leave,” and she promptly walked off the stage, to some applause. The conversation, having turned awkward, then went back and forth between Cavett and Everett as to whether she would return. She did not. Everett even made a jabbing remark about Tomlin’s own interpersonal preferences during the segment, as if to call her out for her own marital status.
The two celebrities never met or spoke again.
Chad Everett died in 2012 at age 75. He was still married to his wife Shelby Grant for over four decades when she predeceased him in 2011. Medical Center went off the air in 1976.
Lily Tomlin is still touring with her comedy shows, and occasionally she does publicity related to her hit movie role in 9 to 5 with her good friends Jane Fonda and Dolly Parton. She continues to advocate for women and putting an end to workplace harassment (a big topic of that film). She has a wife whom she married in 2013. She has a cat and past animal friends, but never a husband.
The terms “joined” and “unite” when referring to matrimony are there for a reason. Don’t make your spouse a possession. They are your partner. For life. When the horses and dogs are gone, they will be there for you. And that is beautiful.
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