I have been on a mission to find a new electric can opener. Sure I could use a manual one, and I have one or two in the kitchen drawer, but when time is an issue you can’t beat the efficiency of a working electronic device. The one I’m using does open cans, but the darned thing won’t shut off afterward. The can simply keeps spinning until you pull the plug. Some folks would say you should unplug all devices when they’re not in use, but I have never known anybody who does that, and I have never been in the kitchen of somebody who says it. I simply try to clean and inspect the device, but it stays unplugged and has finally outlived its usefulness.
I tried Target (or, as one calls it to sound more upper-class, Tar-zhay) and was surprised to find no can openers in their kitchen ware aisles. There were blenders and toasters and immersion style “boat motors” in colors to match a rainbow kitchen, but no electric can openers. Not even one by Mossimo.
I had been in Boscov’s the other day, but the sales associate did not seem enthusiastic about their high prices or selection. I felt a bit discouraged as well. One should not need to pay so much for such a device, even if it does say Cuisinart.
That might explain why some cans now come in pop-top lids. There might well be a conspiracy against the can opener industry in which can makers are on a campaign to turn the public off to the things: they will make cans you can open with a flip of an aluminum tab, and the electric can openers will go the way of the dodo. It’s that type of plot that makes one want to buy two can openers; if one breaks, you have a replacement or, if they do go out of style, they may become a commodity on the black market someday.
When I have tried everything, I then sigh in resignation and go to SLR*. Yup, they had four models. One was a basic $10 model in black or white; the second was for taller cans; a third came in all chrome and cost what one would expect for such amenities, and the fourth cut a “safety edge” below the actual top of the can to prevent injury. The latter was out of the question, especially when trying to get a can of jellied cranberry sauce out in one perfect log. I don’t want any flesh wounds on my cranberry sauce.
I looked carefully at the features of each product. One boasted a warranty; none boasted being made in America. One also had a tool which rests in a special slot in back of the device and can be used to open plastic clam boxes and other annoying theft-proof containers of our privileged thievery centered society.
The boxes for all of these items in stock had also been inspected by, it seems, every visitor to the aisle with a heavy hand and an inquiring mind. They were mutilated enough to make one question the validity of the contents. So I decided to try another location today, to find that only one model was on the shelf and had been opened.
Maybe one of those old reliable Swing-A-Ways might not be such a bad idea after all.
*(Wal-Mart, which I nicknamed the Store of Last Resort)
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