I made a resolution to offer some lighthearted or neutral posts during this year, because we are already overwhelmed with negativity in the world. This is the first of those attempts.
I will issue a warning that intimate anatomy is a central part of this story, so discretion is advised. Having said that, I hope adults will see that this subject matter is educational as well as funny.
The city of Camden is known as a center of poverty and crime in New Jersey. It’s situated across the Delaware River from Philadelphia and began as a soup pot of immigrants working at the shipyards as well as Campbell Soup and RCA Victor in the early 20th century. The RCA company is famous for its depiction of the dog Nipper, listening to a gramophone. Known as “His Master’s Voice,” the art graces the former workplace converted to living space in the form of a stained glass window. The address is known as the Nipper Building. Today’s population is still diverse, but a mixture of earnings classes, and the biggest workplace is now the hospital, which grew from one brick building to a massive campus near the waterfront.
In 2025 crime generally decreased in Camden, including a summer devoid of shootings, but a recent event has made early 2026 headlines for a reason worth at least a partial grin.
A popular cheesesteak and dive bar restaurant, Donkey’s Place, received Anthony Bourdain’s blessing as making the best Philly meat sandwiches in the state. As with many watering holes, Donkey’s displays conversation pieces, one of which is what is known in the medical community as a baculum; what we know as a bone in many mammals which supports, um, a certain male body part. This was formerly the prized bone of a male walrus, likely measuring some two feet long. Considering the bulk of the average walrus or his potential partner, it makes sense that such a wonder of creation has to be somewhat lengthy to function as it should.
A patron was eating in the restaurant, used a credit card, and at some point asked to see the item. While the bartender’s back was turned, security cameras captured the patron walking out with it. So they have an idea of the person’s identity and have said they don’t want to press charges, only to have the item returned to them.
The news made Stephen Colbert’s late night show, not to mention a slew of other news media, sporting “Beloved Walrus (is Mightier than the Sword) Stolen,” and similar headlines, along with the camera footage. This was news in the first week of January.
That somebody would hoist such a thing makes us wonder what they intend to do with it. It’s not worth much, if you ask me. It’s a quirky bar item which has a tradition behind it, while the undeserving owner of it now has nothing but the anticipation of bad karma for committing petty theft.
The word has gone out, and the owners and patrons who have seen the item on display for decades are looking forward to its return. So am I.
I don’t know how such things can be tracked, but if you know something, now is the time to speak up. It may be a minor issue in the grandeur of life itself, but the many small things can add up to bigger disappointments later.
If news develops, I will certainly follow up. For now, the bar is missing a prized item. We got a giggle (as did Colbert’s audience and the world watching), and the quest continues. For now.
I hope there is a good outcome for the bar. Sometimes a place means more than just its purpose, but its reputation and community presence. That is what is missing without the return of a missing walrus part. With luck, the person will have a change of heart, like the Grinch, and it will grow a size.
And if you anticipated a joke there, you’re forgiven.
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