Have you ever had an experience in which you gave an honest answer and it backfired on you? I had that happen this past week. I had to make a change in something which had been running normally for a long time. Once I started the ball rolling on making the change, it turned out that, because I gave honest answers to make the adjustments, I had suddenly gone from having a long-term thing with no problems to having a load of problems which will cost me time and inconvenience.
Telling the truth shouldn’t suck, and learning the truth about people, and how that truth shapes who we are, shouldn’t either, but it happens more often than not.
One of my first experiences with this instant 180 effect was watching a movie about a young couple in love; she brought him home to meet the family, which consisted of her mother and monsignor uncle. The evening progressed smoothly and warmly with jovial conversation, until the uncle steered the talk towards church matters to find out more about the religious views of the young man at the dinner table. The fellow, accustomed to being honest, admits politely that he is an atheist who does not believe in God, and the merriment shuts down like a light being turned off. The man leaves in defeat and the young lady left in tears.
Another famous example is the popular epic film The Ten Commandments, in which Charlton Heston as Moses gives a small speech about what has changed after it is confirmed that his heritage is Hebrew and not Egyptian. He notes that he as a person is no different than before (the same hands as before), and yet who he is suddenly turned his fate much darker.
One of our most successful modern authors, J.K. Rowling, was (and remains) the biggest worldwide phenomenon, selling books which spun off into movies and theme park attractions and all sorts of promotional joy for millions of followers. Once she gave her opinions on transgender rights, however, her fan base diminished.
One of the most noted composers, Richard Wagner, wrote beautiful and still well-known compositions such as the Ring cycle and Parsifal. His legacy is less one of outright rejection due to cancel culture, however, and closer to that of what we might strive for in the future: noting the bad and the good in human nature. Wagner was openly not a fan of Jewish people, yet opera patrons can appreciate the fact that he wrote exquisite music. In fact, conductor James Levine thumbed his nose at the composer by commanding his baton, proud to be a Jew, in front of the Metropolitan Opera orchestra through countless Wagner performances. Of course, Levine himself became another infamous cancel culture icon due to a professional scandal, and lost his status at Lincoln Center as a result.
Since the month of June is one to celebrate pride in who one is, we should strive to be honest about our foibles as well as our successes, and not need to apologize for many of the things for which scores of overly zealous righteous folks reject entire subcultures, minorities or populations. Trying to sort out who to like or dislike should not be relegated to such frivolous things. One might as well divide people into who puts on both socks before both shoes, or who hangs their toilet paper over or under. All of it means essentially nothing in our planetary picture. LGBTQ people pay taxes, go to Starbucks, get tattoos and choose their pizza toppings the same way as everybody else. The most “vanilla” person on the planet may possess one flaw that you might not agree with, and they might find an unpopular flaw in you. Does that truth divide us, or bring us to a better understanding of the subtotals that make up who we are.
I will need to endure the inconveniences to get back to the way things were. But I don’t regret telling the truth. What has been done is over, and it’s time to move forward. That’s how life is.
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