A popular phrase attributed to several renowned chefs says that their best crafted culinary dishes are flushed down the toilet as poo tomorrow. This is a humble effort to bring the realities of food and cooking down to their basics; the right ingredients, skills and a bit of luck can bring delightful joys to your table. Food is still a basic of life functionality.
Why, then, is there a $160 box of a dozen cookies out there?
A place called Last Crumb is offering what they call their Platinum Collection; a dozen large cookies baked with quality ingredients and shipped individually wrapped in a huge box to your door.
What would you do if you were porch pirated of that extravagance? Break out the Dom Perignon and get yourself wasted, I would guess.
There is a full description of the cookies you receive; each one unique. There’s a cookie called “What’s Up, Doc?” which is carrot cake, the “Florida Man” (key lime pie), the “Sack Lunch” (PB&J), and of course, Chocolate Chip XXX (a typical cookie touted as a 2.0 upgrade).
Milk is not included.
The last social media post said there were 48 boxes left of this limited edition special collection. Box #49 or so went to the home of one of my workplace managers, who gave a thumbs-up to the huge baked cardiac event inducers. They didn’t mention which they tried first, but my guess is the first choice favorite, which was then thoroughly devoured, leaving them with eleven others to sort through.
And I consider one Crumbl cookie a month a treat if I can decide on one flavor. I still consider Girl Scout cookies a wonderful purchase. I must have poor taste.
Sure, there’s nothing wrong with a little indulgence now and again, but is the world really a better place for a $13.33 cookie? Marie Antoinette wouldn’t bat an eye, but somebody who doesn’t have a slice of bread for a PB&J, let alone the PB or J, would shake their heads.
But I shouldn’t be on this rant anyway. Just the other day, word got out that people were standing in line at Target stores in the early morning hours to buy the Stanley Cup. I immediately thought of the hockey trophy and was confused; turns out the OG thermal products company Stanley (a corporation since 1913) had produced a pink tumbler which was in high demand; as in fistfights at the display counter and run over grandma to get there high demand.
I haven’t been in a Target store since they don’t seem to care so much about their employees as they tolerate misbehavior from customers; two recent incidents include an employee fired for asking kids to remove their bikes–which they were openly riding indoors–for which he was beaten and suffered injuries they didn’t need to pay for since they fired him, and a suit alleging that young people were riding store-provided mobility carts at high speed and injuring shopping pedestrians.
It seems we will do anything for a thrill. Buy a $13.33 cookie, or stand in line for a thermal mug.
So it’s back to consumerism in all its ugliness, after about four years of a stagnant world forced into a peaceful lull.
Pass me a Girl Scout Thin Mint, please.
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