Susan's Scribblings the Blog

Tag: bullying

• Sammy’s Story

  Posted at 3:17 pm by kayewer, on May 10, 2025

  I want to tell you this week about Sammy, a ten-year-old budding astronomer, fishing enthusiast and outdoorsman. As is the case with any child, Sammy went through a mouthful of primary teeth which were quite a sight. He also used glasses.

  The family, including Sammy’s parents and siblings, moved to Indiana from Florida, and Sammy was not warmly welcomed by his fellow students. An article in People alleges that Sammy attempted to bring his teachers’ attention to the bullying he experienced, and was promptly disciplined for being “disruptive.”

  Beatings were ignored. Girls told Sammy he should hang himself. He did. While his family went out to buy ingredients for pancakes for breakfast, rather than face another morning of terror at the hands of people–both kids and adults–who hated him, Sammy left this world. His brother found him when they returned home.

  At his funeral, one of the girls who prompted Sammy to use this very exit option, snapped a photo of his open casket and was seen laughing at the image on her cell phone later. It’s unclear what became of this bully or her photo.

  Who do we hold responsible for these actions? Among people ages 10 to 24, death by their own hands is the leading cause outside of any diseases, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

  We grownups frequently wonder how prejudice and hatred continue in our country, and the answer is right here in American classrooms. If the teachers and faculty do nothing, why should children follow any protocol when it comes to acceptance, empathy and compassion?

  I could also tell you the story of Adriana, who died/was proxy killed by the Central Regional School District in New Jersey, or another student named Olivia. Every state has at least one name to atone for. All of these first names have one thing in common: bullying permitted by adults.

  There is a movement to make bullying legislation into law and name it after Sammy. It cannot bring back the countless children who cut their lives short to avoid a school environment where beatings are allowed and trying to point them out is punished, but it can make adults answer for their ignorance.

  Here is Change.org’s link to their petition to make bullying seen and heard so it can be stopped: https://www.change.org/p/tell-congress-to-enact-anti-bullying-legislation-in-honor-of-10-year-old-sammy-teusch/psf/share?source_location=default_membership

  Here is an article link as well: https://people.com/parents-10-year-old-boy-killed-himself-bullied-file-wrongful-death-lawsuit-against-school-district-8763274

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  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged bullying, bullying legislation, bullying suicides, Sammy Teusch

• School Wisdom

  Posted at 1:20 pm by kayewer, on February 23, 2025

  (Originally Published September 03, 2017)

  Take it from somebody who has been there: if you get to school and wind up getting bullied, it’s not about you, but them. I lived through some powerful antagonism when I was in school, and my future came out okay.

  School is not really about who you are now, but what you need to build now to be better later. The truth is that you are all learning together, and you rise or fall differently all the time. Some days you sail through everything, but the next day nothing is right, and you may wind up walking through those doors and finding everybody else seems to be up while you’re down. It’s okay. It happens that way. Just heave a sigh and make it through one day, and the next day will change. It always does.

  The bullies always make it seem as if they are in the know and you are not. How do they know anything? Did they take a smart pill? Are they on a fast track to rushing through life without knowing what they’re doing? You’re all on the same track, but while some folks know some things about a lot of things, others know a lot about one or two things. That’s all okay: that’s what makes us individuals.

  Somebody may pick on you and say you’re ugly. The truth is, they’re probably feeling kind of ugly, and that is scary for everybody your age. You’re all changing so fast, it’s hard to look great every day, but your folks still make you go to school. So you woke up on the right side of the bed that morning, and they didn’t, or vice versa. They have the issues, not you.

  They may hate your clothes, or your accessories, because theirs are “better,” but that’s their opinion. Clothes get outgrown, break zippers or get stains that don’t come out, whether they cost $10.99 or $1,099.00. The difference is that you can replace the $10.99 ones easier, and the folks who spend $1,099.00 are simply broker faster.

  When a bully picks on something about you, have you ever noticed that they look a little nervous or scared? That’s because they’re having issues, and they’re taking it out on you. They don’t know you, or why you are yourself and not like them. They wonder if what you are is okay, just like they wonder if what they are is okay. Insecurity is part of anger, and it’s powerful. You really have nothing to do with their problems. They never come out and offer you a way to get their better clothes or accessories or beauty secrets to lend you a hand up to where they are in their lofty superiority, do they? So it’s not about that at all. They will get where they need to be, and it won’t be because they had to walk over you to get there, but because they applied themselves, just as you will.

  It’s been a long time since I got out of school, and some of the people who were bound to come out this way or that are nowhere to be found today. They’re not on magazine covers, that’s for sure. That’s because it’s all just about building yourself when you’re in school. When it’s over, you’ll be moving on to better things. Don’t pay the bullies any mind. We all get where we are destined to go, in much the same way. Your parents will tell you about the school bullies, the nerds, the unpopular ones, the beauties and the wallflowers they knew. This has gone on for ages. The bad ones get theirs, and the good ones still reach their goals.

  You won’t be this version of you forever. Look at the goal; that’s nothing to be afraid of.

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  Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged bullying, education, life, mental-health, writing

• For Charlotte

  Posted at 3:23 pm by kayewer, on September 21, 2024

  I was ready to post one of my usual stories about life, but just before I started to log in, a pop-up stopped me short. My heart, which has been chipped away at for a good fifty years, lost another tiny piece when I clicked on and read the article.

  An Australian girl named Charlotte has been murdered by proxy. Her wonderful mother, Kelly, would not agree with me, and I will deal with the guilt of telling this in my own way because she has a bigger heart than I at this moment (which I will explain later).

  Charlotte was twelve years old. Twelve, and at that brief gap of development between youngster and teenager when life is just beginning to make some sense, the unfairness of the world has entered the subconscious, and the future is a tangible thing both awesome and terrifying. She was a year 7 student at a Sydney private school–Santa Sabina College in Strathfield–and had been bullied for at least two years. The most recent event was “investigated,” and the girls involved allegedly denied it. Of course they would, because they wanted to do it again, and again.

  One day from the past, recently brought to light, found another girl confronting a crying Charlotte in the girls’ restroom. The school simply called Kelly to come pick her up. We can’t have somebody exhibiting signs of heartbreak or vulnerability in a school setting, now can we.

  Kelly contacted a local radio host, Ben Fordham from G2B breakfast show. “‘These issues cannot be swept under the carpet. I will not let my daughter’s memory be swept under the carpet either. How many more children need to lose their lives before they get it? How many parents need to feel the pain of never being able to pick up their child from school again before they get it? We’re broken forever.”

  At the same time, she also said something I wish I could right now. “Please, I must stress and I beg, I do not wish any little girls to feel responsible for this. I don’t want any other mum not being able to wake up their child in the morning. They are also just little girls so they don’t understand. Charlotte made a mistake on a moment of grief, she did not meant to do this, she did not understand.”

  Every child, whether sports star, shop ace or A+ academic genius, needs to understand. They need to be responsible. What do you prefer, that they cheer or hold a party at the gravesite? They might as well, for all the attention the adults are paying to what happened.

  I would like to talk to any of these so-called faculties who sweep bullying under the rug. You are also sweeping a CHILD under a rug when you ignore what is happening. You are also encouraging criminal behavior among your students, because once they are allowed to torment a victim who doesn’t matter to you, there is no reason for that human being to matter to them. You are permitting torture, endorsing participation in discrimination and supremacy mindsets, and you turn the other way when a victim dies!

  I have already gone over this with another local young woman who died at school from bullying (see “Felicia’s Story” from November 04, 2023). Every time it happens, it’s as if these ignorant bullies and suit-wearing conference table dwellers pull out pieces of my heart with pliers. This is a CRIME and an embarrassment to our society that we feel bullying is not something that needs to be treated as an affront to dignity and worthy of strict punishment, including banishment from the public and private school system, suspension, community service, fines and even public apology.

  Yes, some of these bullying victims retaliate, and yet we seem surprised by that. Victims are supposed to stay quiet and take it. I haven’t seen any evidence otherwise.

  So the bullies won’t be charged with anything, and we will see another article pop up in another news feed on social media. We accept it, we do nothing about it, and we don’t care, obviously.

  Shame on us all.

  Source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13853949/Heartbreaking-text-Australian-girl-sent-taking-life-dad-claims-school-huge-mistake.html?ito=push-notification&ci=Aw6V2hP5xb&cri=L9-evVOMAX&si=kKwv_EZzmFnV&xi=cfa9e0dc-f75b-4549-8d0b-35aba9913c54&ai=13853949

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• Bullying and the Old Wounds

  Posted at 1:26 am by kayewer, on May 11, 2014

  Folks who were victims of bullies over the past few decades likely have mixed emotions about the subject being a hot topic today. Back in the old days, the excuse for bullying was that “kids are cruel,” and faculty members threw up their hands and just doled out detention to the instigators, telling victims to “suck it up.” Recent studies, however, have shown that child victims of bullying abuse become adults with psychological and sociological issues; suicide numbers among adults trying to overcome the terrors of bullying are disturbing, and subjects in a decades-long National Child Development Study for Great Britain found that anxiety, depression, under- or unemployment also plaque victims long after the caps and gowns have been put away. Study subjects often cite poor health, few friends and limited social contact. I’m providing a link for those interested in a brief detail of the actual study (other articles, published in April 2014, are available by search):

  http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/Article.aspx?ArticleID=1863836

  Today’s victims can be assaulted on social media, something not available to us older citizens when we endured the pains of childhood, thank God. Another recent report shows that victims are desperate enough to bring weapons to school to combat the traumas dealt them by savage underage bullying cretins. The idea behind victim retaliation is possibly to see what it is like to be the giver of pain, rather than the recipient. It certainly seems like a bully has a balance of power, as they laugh over the victim and often have the support of others. Unfortunately, weapons often cause death rather than apologies, and the dead can’t tell a victim they’re sorry. Not once in any article about bullying retaliation did it ever come out that the victim got satisfaction from the acts they commit: no resolution from those who bullied them. In fact, when the faculty, police and/or strike force teams come in, the victim often commits suicide. The bully, in a sense, commits a delayed murder by proxy. The faculty still doles out detention.

  In order to combat bullying, some think it might be helpful to learn directly from the bullies themselves, and work to create an environment of cooperation. If a bully thinks that a fellow student doesn’t wear the right clothes, let the bully finance some new ones. Some think that implying a stigma to bullying will encourage tolerance, which might be an interesting point: discrimination of any kind, even to the most minor difference in human nature, implies that there is a majority among humans, which there is not and never will be. We will never have a this state or a that state, nor can a school of kids ever have a one hundred percent perfect ideal, no matter how much anybody wants it.

  Besides, why on earth would anybody go out of their way to deliberately create a human being who will be their personal burden later in life. If you bully Billy at age twelve, and he winds up on the dole at 22, whose taxes are keeping food on his table? It’s a pointless exercise in trying to put one’s personal issues at ease at another person’s expense. The real issue is with the bully, not with somebody else. When it comes down to basics, WE ARE ALL SOMEBODY ELSE’S SOMEBODY ELSE. Put that on a shirt with my name on it, and I will feel that I have created a message that matters.

  A bully needs to look within and decide the put a stop to all the negativity that they can spread non-stop like a cancer. It takes a lot of negativity to be a bully, and it’s time wasted. Go bone up on the school subject that most troubles you, take a long walk or something. Bullying is pointless and just creates more problems than it’s worth. Studies prove it.

   

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  Posted in Commentary | 0 Comments | Tagged bully, bullying, bullying suicides, National Child Development Study for Great Britain

• Bullying Pulpit Part II

  Posted at 2:17 am by kayewer, on September 18, 2011

  October is National Bullying Awareness Month.  I don’t know why it wasn’t pushed up to September, when school starts, but it’s good to have a month each year devoted to a perpetual and misunderstood problem.

  I have noticed a trend among televised anti-bullying media.  The articles start with a profile of how much bullying is going on in schools (estimates are that 15-25% of students are bullied), then a parent of a victim (living or dead by suicide) speaks up about stopping the madness, then the piece closes with a blurb about a forum or other event trying to target local bullying.

  It’s a step in the right direction.  Back in pre-segregation times, or in some current religious cultures, nobody has held a forum to stop racial violence or stood up against religious-based spousal abuse with the same degree of dedication.  Nobody seems to look at film footage of crowds being pummelled by spray from fire hoses and call it bullying, but it was.  And it was perpetrated by adults, openly, while other adults watched.  In many cultures open forum bullying isn’t even blinked at.  Maybe that’s why we can’t stop it in schools:  we expect our children to grow into the adult culture we insist upon.

  Deep inside us, there is an iota of brain matter that says it is okay to forcibly discomfort other people mentally or physically to align them with our own ideals.  It starts in school when all students–regardless of problems such as income, family values or learning roadblocks like dyslexia or ADD–are held to a conformity that dictates every aspect of life.  For instance, most schools claim they have no dress code, yet bullying targets visual perceptions of fashion conformity (just try talking your did into not buying those overpriced jeans). When lesson time comes, teachers who rely on lecture-based lessons may lose the attention of students who process visual aids more effectively.

  Maybe instead of charter schools concentrating solely on subject specific learning goals, they should concentrate on the education of a population based on their ability to learn.  A school that allows visual aid based learning for students who don’t process lectures well might help.  Schools might also consider a dress code that may not require uniforms, but would focus on specific clothing items which could be afforded by all students and would not cause distractions like the student who comes to class in big-money fashion while another wears more cost-conscious garb.

  We should also continue the trend toward tolerance.  Once we have united our human race, we can start dealing with other problems more effectively without concentrating on differences that really don’t matter, such as religion, color, choice of pizza toppings or what cell phone upgrade you’re using.

  And no, this topic is not exhausted yet.

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  Posted in Commentary | 1 Comment | Tagged bullies, bullying

• Bullying Pulpit

  Posted at 2:30 am by kayewer, on September 4, 2011

  Every time the subject of bullying comes up, in my mind come two questions.  First, do bullies remember being bullies?  Second, do they remember who they bullied?

  In New Jersey, a Bill of Rights focused on bullying was signed by Governor Christie.  It is designed to make school students and faculty aware of their responsibilities to prevent harassment, intimidation and bullying.  It aims to form committees, involve law enforcement, and encourage active participation to stop negative behaviors before they get out of control.

  Though I’m a bullying survivor, nobody ever asks me for my opinion, because it’s been awhile since I dreaded the possibility that I would set foot inside my school and find myself on the receiving end of an attack.  Once school is out, nobody remembers or cares.  The end of school is like the end of war:  whatever happened, folks would rather forget about it and move on.  But servicemen come back from war with horrors etched into their souls, and emotional scars, regardless of origin, don’t just go away.

  I can tell you from experience that, somewhere in the list of causes of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), there should be a section devoted to being a victim of bullying and the lingering emotional pain it can cause.

  Harassment, intimidation and bullying are all steps on the ladder of racism, ethnic cleansing and outright war, in that they attack the existence of humanity on an individual as well as a group level.  Even though we are moving toward a global understanding and tolerance model, we still have not gained enough common sense to realize that no single-minded population exists without some outliers on either side of what is considered the norm.  We tend to think of the differences between our own social groups with such stubborn prejudice that it would be just as easy to wage a war between coffee and tea drinkers as it would be to put a religion against another just because one does this and the other that.

  Once I saw a news story on television about the symmetry of the human face.  There actually isn’t any.  If one were to take one side of their face and duplicate it for the other side, the resulting face would be astonishingly different.  That’s because life itself has no set of features, no symmetry or perfection.  Groups form because they share common bonds, but not all of the bonds are the same.  Sadly, if somebody has a flaw that the others don’t like, they will reject that individual in spite of all they have in common.  Bullying is just a part of that sad journey toward rejection rather than acceptance.

  Besides, after school has ended and we have all gone off to live our lives, I don’t think anybody has had somebody say to them, “Congratulations on telling So-and-so how (insert putdown here) they were.  That shows you really are a person of character.”

  I hear the Bullying Bill of Rights is some 16 pages long.  I don’t think it will help, either.  Words and threats are the bully’s weapons in the first place.  It is an appeal to the soul that is needed.  Bullying damages souls on both sides.  That is an argument for another time, but it does need examining before bullying can truly be stopped.

  —To Be Continued.

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  Posted in Commentary | 1 Comment | Tagged bullies, bully, bullying, nj bullying bill of rights

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