Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Tag: bully

    • Bullying and the Old Wounds

      Posted at 1:26 am by kayewer, on May 11, 2014

      Folks who were victims of bullies over the past few decades likely have mixed emotions about the subject being a hot topic today. Back in the old days, the excuse for bullying was that “kids are cruel,” and faculty members threw up their hands and just doled out detention to the instigators, telling victims to “suck it up.” Recent studies, however, have shown that child victims of bullying abuse become adults with psychological and sociological issues; suicide numbers among adults trying to overcome the terrors of bullying are disturbing, and subjects in a decades-long National Child Development Study for Great Britain found that anxiety, depression, under- or unemployment also plaque victims long after the caps and gowns have been put away. Study subjects often cite poor health, few friends and limited social contact. I’m providing a link for those interested in a brief detail of the actual study (other articles, published in April 2014, are available by search):

      http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/Article.aspx?ArticleID=1863836

      Today’s victims can be assaulted on social media, something not available to us older citizens when we endured the pains of childhood, thank God. Another recent report shows that victims are desperate enough to bring weapons to school to combat the traumas dealt them by savage underage bullying cretins. The idea behind victim retaliation is possibly to see what it is like to be the giver of pain, rather than the recipient. It certainly seems like a bully has a balance of power, as they laugh over the victim and often have the support of others. Unfortunately, weapons often cause death rather than apologies, and the dead can’t tell a victim they’re sorry. Not once in any article about bullying retaliation did it ever come out that the victim got satisfaction from the acts they commit: no resolution from those who bullied them. In fact, when the faculty, police and/or strike force teams come in, the victim often commits suicide. The bully, in a sense, commits a delayed murder by proxy. The faculty still doles out detention.

      In order to combat bullying, some think it might be helpful to learn directly from the bullies themselves, and work to create an environment of cooperation. If a bully thinks that a fellow student doesn’t wear the right clothes, let the bully finance some new ones. Some think that implying a stigma to bullying will encourage tolerance, which might be an interesting point: discrimination of any kind, even to the most minor difference in human nature, implies that there is a majority among humans, which there is not and never will be. We will never have a this state or a that state, nor can a school of kids ever have a one hundred percent perfect ideal, no matter how much anybody wants it.

      Besides, why on earth would anybody go out of their way to deliberately create a human being who will be their personal burden later in life. If you bully Billy at age twelve, and he winds up on the dole at 22, whose taxes are keeping food on his table? It’s a pointless exercise in trying to put one’s personal issues at ease at another person’s expense. The real issue is with the bully, not with somebody else. When it comes down to basics, WE ARE ALL SOMEBODY ELSE’S SOMEBODY ELSE. Put that on a shirt with my name on it, and I will feel that I have created a message that matters.

      A bully needs to look within and decide the put a stop to all the negativity that they can spread non-stop like a cancer. It takes a lot of negativity to be a bully, and it’s time wasted. Go bone up on the school subject that most troubles you, take a long walk or something. Bullying is pointless and just creates more problems than it’s worth. Studies prove it.

       

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      Posted in Commentary | 0 Comments | Tagged bully, bullying, bullying suicides, National Child Development Study for Great Britain
    • Bullying Pulpit

      Posted at 2:30 am by kayewer, on September 4, 2011

      Every time the subject of bullying comes up, in my mind come two questions.  First, do bullies remember being bullies?  Second, do they remember who they bullied?

      In New Jersey, a Bill of Rights focused on bullying was signed by Governor Christie.  It is designed to make school students and faculty aware of their responsibilities to prevent harassment, intimidation and bullying.  It aims to form committees, involve law enforcement, and encourage active participation to stop negative behaviors before they get out of control.

      Though I’m a bullying survivor, nobody ever asks me for my opinion, because it’s been awhile since I dreaded the possibility that I would set foot inside my school and find myself on the receiving end of an attack.  Once school is out, nobody remembers or cares.  The end of school is like the end of war:  whatever happened, folks would rather forget about it and move on.  But servicemen come back from war with horrors etched into their souls, and emotional scars, regardless of origin, don’t just go away.

      I can tell you from experience that, somewhere in the list of causes of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), there should be a section devoted to being a victim of bullying and the lingering emotional pain it can cause.

      Harassment, intimidation and bullying are all steps on the ladder of racism, ethnic cleansing and outright war, in that they attack the existence of humanity on an individual as well as a group level.  Even though we are moving toward a global understanding and tolerance model, we still have not gained enough common sense to realize that no single-minded population exists without some outliers on either side of what is considered the norm.  We tend to think of the differences between our own social groups with such stubborn prejudice that it would be just as easy to wage a war between coffee and tea drinkers as it would be to put a religion against another just because one does this and the other that.

      Once I saw a news story on television about the symmetry of the human face.  There actually isn’t any.  If one were to take one side of their face and duplicate it for the other side, the resulting face would be astonishingly different.  That’s because life itself has no set of features, no symmetry or perfection.  Groups form because they share common bonds, but not all of the bonds are the same.  Sadly, if somebody has a flaw that the others don’t like, they will reject that individual in spite of all they have in common.  Bullying is just a part of that sad journey toward rejection rather than acceptance.

      Besides, after school has ended and we have all gone off to live our lives, I don’t think anybody has had somebody say to them, “Congratulations on telling So-and-so how (insert putdown here) they were.  That shows you really are a person of character.”

      I hear the Bullying Bill of Rights is some 16 pages long.  I don’t think it will help, either.  Words and threats are the bully’s weapons in the first place.  It is an appeal to the soul that is needed.  Bullying damages souls on both sides.  That is an argument for another time, but it does need examining before bullying can truly be stopped.

      —To Be Continued.

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      Posted in Commentary | 1 Comment | Tagged bullies, bully, bullying, nj bullying bill of rights
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