Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Author Archives: kayewer

    • Reviews, Hugh and Goose Poo

      Posted at 1:29 am by kayewer, on May 25, 2008

      Now that I’ve passed my college class (got a B in my introductory theatre class) and subjected myself to the rigors of party life (see last entry), life has taken a rather bland turn.  I filled it in the last week and a half by devouring two vampire novels and discovering a new author to stir the emotional pot of my previously sedentary soul:  Stephenie Meyer.  She may be classified as a writer of YA (young adult) fiction, but this middle-aged bat didn’t feel at all talked down to after consuming Twilight and New Moon, the first two novels in a planned series, in an insane marathon which left my eyes dry (not that it didn’t move me to tears on occasion before the last word was read, but I often forgot to blink).

      As a devotee of Chelsea Quinn Yarbro and Anne Rice, it was good to have some reading material for those times in-between serial installments to keep my mind occupied.  I also have a stack of cheesy paperbacks ready for ingestion and, with any luck, I’ll have them devoured and my own novel written by the end of summer.  It’s a goal, anyway.

      As for the times I spend as an audience member in darkened theatre houses, I was thrilled to see so much enthusiasm about the latest production of Les Miserables in Philadelphia.  Having made the pleasant discovery of Hugh Panaro, a local who has played the Phantom on Broadway and toured Europe with Barbra Streisand, I was anxious to see wonderful reviews of his turn as Jean Valjean.  The critics are almost unanimous in their praise of his marvelous performance:  the one less than kind reviewer may have needed his morning aspirin and coffee before sitting down to his computer.  Anyway, I’m going to plant my tush in a theatre seat again after over two years to see the show for my first time in July:  I have that long to lose ten pounds, too.

      The other distraction that has kept me sane has been the ongoing saga of the goslings behind our office building.  The oldest ones are starting to look like the real thing, only more teenagerly (is that a word?) and gangly with no flight feathers.  The youngest pair, which hatched just weeks ago, are a cause for concern, as they are obviously late bloomers and won’t fledge until at least July.  According to goose experts, the parents don’t have their own flight feathers back until June, so I wonder how the other family will fare:  will the parents gain their freedom and abandon their young?  Will they fall victim to predators (as one did within days of its birth)?  Am I sounding like I don’t have my life quite in order yet, because I’m ranting about trivial matters?

      Where is that next paperback?

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    • Par-tay, Par-tay, Par-tay

      Posted at 1:15 am by kayewer, on May 11, 2008

      I went to a party the other night:  it was a corporate sponsored event, so at least I knew everybody there.  Not being one to party often (the annual departmental winter celebration–we can’t call it a Christmas party anymore–usually doesn’t include a dance floor or alcohol), I found this particular event to be more fun than I had anticipated.  The music was loud, the food warm if not extremely tasty, and the company at my table all enjoyed the atmosphere.  I was seated with my departmental boss, my administrative boss, two fellow administrators, three former co-workers and a manager.  It was an honor to feel so highly rated that I was put into their seating plan.

      The table was packed with serviceware, and as always the policies of etiquette came into play as people tried to recall on what side they should start taking ownership of what they would be dining with; ultimately somebody winds up with two napkins while another person has none.  Maybe the caterers should just start putting the silverware and napkins in the center of the plates to erase any doubt.

      The music was all urban/disco/popular standard fare, and the dance moves were all the same as well.  Even though we all admit to the guilty pleasure of watching Dancing With the Stars, we’re all guilty of busting the same “swing and step” moves when it comes to our own performance.  At least nobody broke a bone.

      It was over too fast:  four hours of bumping elbows and dilating pupils on the receiving end of digital camera flashes.  Hope it’s as much fun next year.

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    • Giving Nature the Benefit of the Doubt

      Posted at 12:48 am by kayewer, on April 28, 2008

      Last week an unfortunate person died when a shark bit into him while he was in the water with some fellow water loving comrades.  Naturally the news media headed each report of this unusual incident with two words:  shark attack.

      With all due respect and condolences to the family of the victim, while my eyes were drawn to the news items in the papers, the term “attack” did annoy me a bit because it isn’t a totally accurate portrayal of what likely happened.

      Sharks are primitive creatures that basically, as mentioned in the movie Jaws, swim around looking for food and the chance to reproduce, with an emphasis on the swimming and eating parts.  Sharks are not known to discriminate as they encounter objects in the water, nor are they known to target humans specifically as prey as carnivores like the great cats might, so they will try anything that may serve as food if it is in its path.  This is why sharks will try out boat hulls, surfboards or any dumped junk that may be in its field of vision.  If it digests, fine:  if not, the shark will probably die with it in its digestive tract (you do remember the necropsy in Jaws in which a license plate was pulled from the gullet of a suspect shark).

      It is possible–and I dare say likely–that the shark involved in this incident took a different turn and got off its usual path while cruising off the California coast and happened upon some activity that it wound up investigating.  Afterward, it swam off and was not picked up again by helicopters or other ocean searching techniques when the patrols went out in search of the shark.

      Instead of calling these incidents shark attacks, I would like to kindly ask the media to start labeling them as deadly shark encounters.  The word shark automatically draws public interest, of course, but the word attack implies that the animal sought out and committed conscious slaughter when that cannot be logically or scientifically proven.  Instead, get public attention with the word deadly and call the incident an encounter, which implies an unusual meeting event.  Who needs bunches of blood thirsty fishing newbies out on a Frankenstein style pillage of the waters looking for a creature that obviously has not stayed around to establish any sort of reputation as a man-eater and become a threat to the shore?  It is a shame that somebody suffered such a horrific accident, and by airing this pet peeve of mine I do not wish to be misconstrued as somebody with no sympathy for mankind.  I just have issues about mistaken labels being applied to any creature undeserving of it.

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    • My Writer’s Toolkit

      Posted at 1:13 am by kayewer, on April 20, 2008

      At the last meeting of my favorite writer’s group, we were asked to reveal our favorite tools for writing that we just can’t live without.  My list was pretty simple, so I’ll share:

      Writer’s Digest and The Writer magazines:  They are old favorites from my high school days, and are still relevant today.  They manage, each in their own way, to kick-start my creativity when I’m in a slump, and they stay updated on current affairs that affect any style or type of writer.  Subscriptions are a must (although sometimes they hit the newsstands before my mailbox anyway).

      Pentel R.S.V.P. Pens:  Every color is on my desk (they come in regular and gel types for bouts of fanciful doodling), but the standby black is always a good choice for extended moments of creativity.

      BIC 4-Color Pen:  For times when you don’t want to, or should not, carry a bunch of different colored Pentels around with you, one of these will help you take effective notes and separate the Eurekas from the chaff when you put them down in red, blue or green.  Still, the black ink runs out first, but they’re refillable and are sold in pairs.

      Sticky Notes:  3M’s are always top notch and don’t tend to leave funny residue anywhere you stick them, and you can find a size that’s perfect for you to jot down those sudden Eureka ideas.  If you haven’t gone down that aisle in the office supply place for awhile, break out your trusted credit card and go now, because you are guaranteed to come out of there with something you’ll be thankful for.

      Without some good tools, it would be hard to keep track of all the ideas that I exorcise from my head onto something tangible.  The challenging part is pulling all those sticky notes out of each magazine issue and getting them typed somewhere else, but at least magazines and sticky notes are portable and smaller than the tiniest laptop.

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    • A Question About Politicians

      Posted at 2:26 am by kayewer, on April 13, 2008

      I’m on a week’s vacation and working on a few things, but I just want to know one thing about politicians:  if they have such wonderful ideas that they feel they could implement as President, why the heck didn’t they start building the groundwork for these same ideas while in other positions?

      Heck, with all the mud-slinging and misinformation we get about McCain, Obama and the other lady whose name escapes me, how about this:  I’ll vote for the candidate who promises, on pain of impeachment, that they will abolish Daylight Saving Time.  So there.

      See ya in a a week.

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    • We Are All “Speed Racer”

      Posted at 1:46 am by kayewer, on March 30, 2008

      I started a new job that requires a longer drive on one of the state’s most wild and crazy freeways (“free” meaning that, if you want to save money by not taking the turnpike, this is the way to go).  The speed limit is supposed to be 65 along some admirably well kept stretches, but try telling that to my fellow drivers who zoom past me and give me a glare as if I’m a granny in a jalopy for trying to keep within the law.

      I finally figured out why the fines for speeding are incremented the way they are based on how fast you were clocked:  most people break the law at 12 or more mph consistently, so if the cops catch somebody going fast enough to be illegal but slow enough to safely pull to the shoulder,  it’s almost guaranteed to be a high enough fine to crimp their style.

      The hidden law of the road is to follow the flow of traffic, so normally everybody is going at the same (illegal) speed.  What also happens, though, is that we are all gambling against the odds of a freak event that could put us all in an accident.  Tires shred, deer take a wrong turn and folks do sometimes fall asleep at the wheel, so we run the risk of getting into an epic multi-car mishmosh when we go too fast together.

      Try telling that to the morons who amp it up to 70 or more to pass the “slowpokes” just because they have someplace to go.  As long as they pull up at their destination on time, it doesn’t matter to them.  Unfortunately there are times when we are all parked on the highway because of a multi-car mishmosh, and even as we are passing aluminum balls that used to be shaped like cars we huff and cuss because the victims slowed our rush hour.  Maybe we should just go for a slower rush hour ourselves.

      Being able to drive 65 legally is okay, but I don’t like the baggage that goes with it every time I enter that road.

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    • The Day “Nothing” Will Really Be on TV

      Posted at 3:28 am by kayewer, on March 9, 2008

      Next year television is going to change.  You’ll need to have a specially adapted television and/or special equipment from some big conglomerate you actually have elected to pay for the privilege of watching more than six or seven networks that used to arrive freely from the public airwaves.

      Nobody has mentioned, though, that portable television will be the market most strongly affected by this change.  How do you take a converter or cable connection to the beach with you to watch the game?  Your little portable Viewguy or that nice little set you prefer to use in the RV won’t work, if the information coming out in the media is right.

      And are the people who don’t have the money for high definition going to be discriminated against when they see only semi enhanced images on their old standby set?

      How much will service fees go up when the cable companies have to switch off analog next year?

      Yeah, I’m stirring the pot of contention.  I’m an American with a limited income, and that’s what I do when I have a question.  Instead of a soapbox, maybe I should stand on some old discarded portable television.

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    • A Quick Question

      Posted at 1:55 am by kayewer, on February 24, 2008

      If everything I need is at the local WalMart, why do I always leave empty-handed?  They didn’t have my driveway melter, my facial scrub, my favorite underwear or a box of oatmeal.  I wasted ten good minutes of my one hour lunch break time, and the result was a big zero.

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    • Will Write for $

      Posted at 2:13 am by kayewer, on February 17, 2008

      The writers have reached an agreement with the entertainment industry, thank goodness.  I genuinely feel for those folks who try to make a living by wordcrafting.  It’s not like the less-shaky ground of working in an office, where you have a place to go and a cubicle to sit in, and your presence is usually sufficient to guarantee you a paycheck as long as you’re productive and don’t commit any professional indiscretions.  I’ve written gratis for years, probably because I have a fear of getting paid for writing and suddenly finding myself in an unknown income bracket, with tax collectors breathing down my neck or stalkers waiting around the corner ready to poke a quill in my ear (hey, I saw Misery too, you know).

      Not that I haven’t gotten recognition for my writing from various small venues over the years.  They just don’t have awards shows and red carpets for “little” writers.  I did get a fan appreciation award once for contributing to a newsletter with regular articles about current events.  Once, a celebrity even took the time to respond to an article I’d written, which was one of my top ten emotional highs of all time.  I didn’t feel I needed a paycheck for those moments.

      Writing for a living must be mentally trying.  Days and months of effort can result in no pay at all, a promise of publication can go south if market conditions change, and only a handful of novelists get to be as big as Stephen King (and the peak of that roller coaster ride has just as precipitous a drop on the other side).

      Sure, when a writer produces a work, they should be paid for it if that is what they are doing as a profession:  it doesn’t matter if the work appears on a flatscreen television, the Internet or a Dick Tracy wristwatch.  Musical artists are having similar problems with compensation (which is why I still shop carefully and stick with tangible media like CDs for my fave artists).

      Now that the writers are back, I’m looking forward to some quality stuff to come out.  It will take time, though, because they don’t just sit in cubicles thinking up professional indiscretions to commit, you know.

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    • Drivers “Auto” Get a Grip

      Posted at 2:40 am by kayewer, on February 3, 2008

      The road is becoming more bizarre all the time.  Sure there are the prima donnas who apply makeup behind the wheel, the cell phone addicts who stare out the windshield with their eyes  slanted vertically because they’re sandwiching the thing between their shoulder and ear, and the Indy 500 wannabes who just have to get one car length ahead (until they get to the next “one car” up ahead).  Sometimes, though, people earn undue attention by the accessories they put on their vehicles.

      I don’t get the meaning behind those. . . .putting this in somewhat medically proper terms (hide the kids’ eyes). . . .trailer hitch testicles.  Maybe you’ve seen them:  plastic reproductions of dangling male gonads in natural, blue or red (I don’t even want to entertain the question why somebody opted for red as a color choice) that some folks sling under the doohicky knob that hooks up the camper.  It’s a head-scratcher to me, and even more so when I get the chance to see the driver.

      If it’s a woman, I wonder if the setup is a reference to some guy who done her wrong.  If a man, I’m not as sure what gives with slinging yarbles from the back bumper; do modern humans like to display body parts in this manner?  Is the driver claiming he has testicular fortitude?  Even stranger, is he saying he has no need for ’em ’cause he’s got his SUV and a full QWERTY keyboard and, by gosh, that’s manly enough for him?

      Maybe it’s just a trailer hitch tool disguised as man-oysters.  I don’t know.  What I do wonder is how some poor church-going mother would explain the setup to her little daughter while waiting for the light to change.  “Oh dear, I guess he had a piece of plastic melt all over his trailer hitch, honey.”  Maybe a funeral pyre is just the thing needed for this accessory from “Carz R Us.”

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