Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Author Archives: kayewer

    • The Mysterious Comcast Converter Box

      Posted at 2:34 am by kayewer, on July 31, 2011

      I get the hinkies with my converter box.  It sits on the television pretty well because my so-yesterday set is still running well, so I have no reason to go out and buy a skinny flat screen and have no place on top on which to balance the box.  The scary part is the front of the box; sometimes when I turn it off it has one little light shining a bright path across my carpet, sometimes two.  What’s with the “One Light, Two Light, Green Light, White Light” thing, anyway?

      Recently Comcast changed the On Demand menus and didn’t seem to actually make much of an effort to tell the customers about it.  Suddenly the realm of options to scroll between screens had disappeared.  Would I be stuck in one menu hell for all eternity unless I turned off or unplugged the set?  By chance I happened to see one of their coming attractions segments in which a helpful lady explained that you can return to previous menus by pressing the “Last” button on the remote.

      That’s when I discovered the “Last” button on the remote.

      Apparently, along with the lessening of American jobs, helpful instructions seem to have also become a premium.  When you get a manual with a product, it’s 100 pages long (20 in English, another 20 in Spanish, and others in various European dialects or Asian characters running vertically and horizontally).

      I really don’t think I’m too old to be hard to instruct via a manual.  I also don’t believe that everybody out there can operate every function offered by a product the minute it’s outside a box, unless they are proud parents of a third grader.

      At least the converter box provides some pleasant auxiliary lighting when the television is off.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Commentary | 1 Comment | Tagged comcast, converter box
    • Want to Do It? Write About It First!

      Posted at 2:03 am by kayewer, on July 24, 2011

      It may be possible that the key to solving some of our problems (or prevent potential problems) is to write about them first.  Our best documents, like the Declaration and Constitution, were well written prefaces to our decisions regarding our lives and futures, so why shouldn’t we carry that idea into other aspects of everyday life?

      “I am going out to buy a $600 smart phone.  The $500 smart phone I bought four months ago is so yesterday.  Besides, if I don’t buy one, the other girls will think I’m poor or a square. . . .”

      (I’ve often said that the value of “wow” is overrated).

      “I’m going to go to the truck supply store and buy some mud flaps with outlines of naked women on them.  Sure, my wife won’t like it too much, but the fellas down at the Beer Bunker will get a kick out of it the first time I drive up with those cute ladies hanging from the rear of my truck.”

      “My company is going to invent the Use-Less 5000.  Folks have been using something else since the dawn of time, but why do things the same old way when you can start all over learning a new way?”

      This idea might also work when somebody is convicted of a crime.  They should have to write a composition about it and it should become part of their record.  No spell checking or ghost writing, either.  Just keep it as it comes out of their pencils onto the paper.  That way we can get a true glimpse into who is committing our crimes these days.  Sure, some of the papers would be brilliant (especially from well-educated criminals), but let’s face facts.

      Sometimes our visual media is overcorrected and sugar-coated or exaggerated beyond normalcy.  The basic composition equalizes the playing field.  If you’re reading this, you already have an opinion of me as the author.  That is how it should always be.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    • Why the Budget Won’t Budge

      Posted at 2:31 am by kayewer, on July 17, 2011

      It’s a fact of life that nobody who has money wants to lose money, and those who don’t have enough money rarely get enough.  Somewhere along the way, we foolishly empowered our politicians to write in whatever they wanted, and of course they did so.  Washington is filled with Rolls Royces and Lincolns, while the poor duke it out on crime-ridden streets within blocks of the capitol.

      We foolishly wanted to be a free-spending decadent country, and in many aspects we have done so.  Where else do people buy $500 cell phones and throw them out six months later for a new $600 model, while the unemployed live in motels on pennies a day they can’t scrape together?

      We also like to decide what things in our lives should be cheap, and other countries have enacted fair trade with us to enable us to do that.  It’s nearly impossible to find a product that isn’t made in China anymore, yet an article in a recent newscast told of a field of berries that rotted because the owner couldn’t convince anybody to pick them.

      Why should we be surprised that the trillion dollar bill collectors are knocking on the door of the White House, and some folks are slipping out the back door trying to hide?

      President Obama (a man worthy of more respect than he gets, but also doomed to a future of being known for a misstep or two, like any president) knows that only the rich can afford to pay for anything; the middle class (which gets smaller daily) can scrape by when called upon to pitch in some expenses, and the poor can’t help anybody, not even themselves.  But playing political games means that millions of dollars go toward silly self promotional projects (the John Q. Politician Federal Building or Library) that nobody wants to call off because the fellow with whom they shook hands on the deal may not like them anymore.  Oh, my heart bleeds for the pain of the popularity contest.  That time is over, my friends.  It’s absurdism at its most base.

      When did we become this way?  Hedonistic, apathetic toadies who don’t care about anything but social niceties with countries who wish they could take us over and how much the next luxury item costs rather than who built it?

      I don’t care if anybody likes the United States; I just want to be sure it will always be mine.  Nobody ever liked us, because we came over here with nothing and built from scratch, and they were jealous of our sense of democracy, our pursuit of liberty and our resourceful nature.  I fear becoming a slave to another country because of debts somebody else racked up on my tax dollars.  It’s bad enough that average Americans can’t achieve the American Dream, but don’t pervert it into a nightmare, too.  We must not borrow from people who would like nothing better than to see us go bust!  We must not let our self-sustaining land become fertile ground for other countries’ enterprises.  It was bad enough when we allowed our own businesses to ship jobs overseas because it was cheaper to pay a foreign worker than one of our own, but now we’re letting the agricultural industry rot, too.

      I would gladly spend some time out in the sun to pick berries; I’d have slathered on SPF 45 and done it for nothing if the fruit could have gone to some starving familes who needed them.

      In fact, I think President Obama should send those representatives on Capitol Hill out to a field and let them harvest some crops from the land we claimed with the blessing of God and worked to give our own people a way of life.  Maybe the smell of dry-cleaned $500 suits has dulled our politicians’ minds.  They’ve forgotten where they are and how they got there.

      Come on, guys.  America has more decency and honor than you’re showing your countrymen.  Give up the big bucks and start trimming (if you can find scissors that are made in America).

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    • Sandalfoot

      Posted at 2:31 am by kayewer, on July 10, 2011

      At work, we’re allowed to wear sandals between May and October as part of our summer dress code.  I know a lot of people like to bare their feet in summer, but I find it a bit hinkie.

      Feet are strange things, and they stop looking cute shortly after we first learn to walk as they get flatter and splay out and start the lifelong process of collecting icky stuff on them.  Our toes seem to attract crud like Woodstock attracted hippies, and for some reason people like that.  Or I should say they like that while they’re outside barefoot.  After that, the hose or the faucet becomes a must-have to wash off the feet before the crud comes indoors.  Believe me, it does anyway.

      Sandals are also uncomfortable.  In fact, most sandals seem to have been invented by somebody who is into self-flagellation, because flip-flops have a tendency to slap the bottoms of our feet as we walk.  Why they’re called flip-flops is beyond me; they don’t flip or flop, but just slap.  Sliding on puddles on linoleum floors, they make noises akin to armpit music or farting.

      The little knobs that our big and second toes are supposed to surround to keep the sandals on our feet are also little torture devices.  If they’re not smooth, or settle into the wrong place on the foot, the reward is chronic blisters galore.  The current sandals also come with a toe cuff, usually a little band of leather surrounding the big toe in place of a knob.  Same painful possibilities.

      When working in an office environment, sandals can easily become the object of scrutiny, even to the point of having sandal panels to determine which styles are proper and which will send the wearer home to change into something more workplace appropriate.  I feel that, if the footwear looks more gross than the foot it’s on, confiscate the offensive shoes and lend the poor schmuck a pair of black socks until quitting time.  The dress code will be upheld (really, will anybody notice socks?) and nobody will have to look at splayed-out cruddy feet in a pair of examples of what not to wear to the office.

      I do wear sandals on occasion, but I also wear hosiery to keep out crud, and I limit my choices to dressier types that surround my feet and have no knobs or rings.  Sure I’m probably considered a prude playing it safe, but like I said, feet give me the hinkies, so I guess I’m one less cruddy badly shod pair of feet in the general population.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    • Commander and Key

      Posted at 2:47 am by kayewer, on July 3, 2011

      I miss the days when cars were simple.  You stuck your key in the lock, gave a turn, and you got in.  If you pulled into a gas station, you would crank your window down and pick your octane. Nowadays cars are automated up the yinyang.  We no longer have keys; we have a remote control.  That’s to keep guys happy once they’re outside the home, away from their televisions and surround sound stereo systems.

      The guys who invented the crank windows in cars must have felt secure in the knowledge that their heirs would be set for life.  Instead we now push or pull a button to electronically raise or lower our windows.  Before I got a car with power windows, the attendants at gas stations would approach me from the passenger side and raise an eyebrow in disbelief when I summoned them to my side because I actually had to crank down my car window.  They treated me as if I came from another planet.

      The biggest disadvantage to power windows is that snow won’t slide off when you put them down; with a crank window that was one thing I liked to control from inside the car, especially after spending a half hour clearing off everything else that had snow on it.  Those days are gone.

      People approaching their vehicles have a unique ritual; they assume a stance akin to summoning the family dog, and with feet apart they raise their arms, point the remote at the car and press the door unlock button.  Some cars talk back when this happens, and in a parking lot it’s a chorus of chaos.

      We have become attached to technology and pressing buttons with the skill of Ken Jennings after his third or so “Jeopardy” appearance.  Our Jetson-ized society has permeated every aspect of life.  Even toilets have buttons instead of handles, though I don’t think that makes them any more sanitary.

      Unfortunately I’ll never feel totally in control as keymaster of my car.  The darn thing still has the burden of running on batteries.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged car remote, keyless entry
    • Another Year in Your Ear

      Posted at 2:42 am by kayewer, on June 26, 2011

      People always talk about the inevitability of death and taxes, and birthdays just hammer the point home that we’re one step closer to leaping the mortality line in the sand and landing in a place not like life as we’ve known it.  No matter how many birthdays we may celebrate, it seems there is always at least one that stands out as “remember the year when you were this age and that happened?”

      A coworker who just had a milestone birthday reminded me that chalking up another 365 days by your personal calendar isn’t all joy and candle blowing.  Out of respect for her privacy, I won’t go into detail, but when she had finished the story I was glad to have had a sedate night at home on my birthday:  after what she described as her natal hell day, it puts the strangeness of everyday life into focus.

      Sometimes we wake up on our birthday and life just goes haywire from there.  Maybe it’s the significance of a birthday, that one can anticipate well in advance, that sets us up for some tough times.  Since we usually have family and friends involved, it rubs off on them, too.  Whatever the cause, we spend 24 hours dealing with remembering how old we are, and ultimately somebody or something will get into the mix and muddle the whole thing up.

      I have my own story.  One year, we picked up my cake at the local bakery, only to find that they had given us a leftover holiday cake, at least ten days old,  that was dry inside and on the verge of being a science project as it had been frozen.  Luckily the cake was just for family, and we did get our money back.  Compared to some stories I’ve heard, though, that one is a clunker in the bad birthday hall of fame.

      The list I’ve heard includes delayed flights, conked out cars miles from anywhere, and a cruise ship that didn’t get to port until the last day of what would have been a six-day birthday vacation.  I’ve heard of injured pets, kids with boo-boos requiring hospitalization, and somebody’s spouse whose leg was mistakenly pummeled by a weed whacker.  There have been boozed up brothers, deodorant challenged in-laws and absentee teenagers who went out partying until the next day, having forgotten what date it was.  Folks celebrating birthdays have gotten re-gifted former Christmas presents, melted chocolates (especially in August), burst bottles of bubbly left in a hot trunk too long and last-minute what-were-they-thinking gifts that would leave Dr. Phil scratching his head.

      Other than Christmas, when else do we set ourselves up for such insanity?  In the quest to have a perfect day, we often get shortchanged.  Sometimes it might be a good idea to just let that day go and hold something private a day or so later, with just a few close people at your side in case a weed whacker seeks revenge.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    • While On Watch

      Posted at 2:56 am by kayewer, on June 19, 2011

      Something is happening to the simple wristwatch.  Some folks don’t bother to wear one, choosing to depend on their handheld devices’ clocks to be right.  Others buy $10 cheapies and pitch them when they conk out.  I have a collection.

      Sure, they’re just middle-of-the-road Timexes at about $20 a pop, but I like to switch watches to suit the day, outfit and conditions.  The water resistant ones come out when it’s rainy outside, the slim one for work, the big backlit one for a night at the theatre.

      The problem with watches is that the batteries die.  In the middle of one’s day, it’s not good to have a battery breathe its last.  The whole watch suddenly loses meaning.  If you take it off, though, you’re left with a pale mark from that spot on your wrist that gets no sun.

      The other thing that breaks on watches is the band.  Until a few years ago, watches came in dependable sizes for which there was always a replacement band.  You could get one put on by a happy customer service person at the jewelry counter.  Nowadays, places like Boscov’s, who are easygoing with just about anything else they sell like other department stores, won’t replace a band on a watch they didn’t sell.  I have a Timex that’s a good 20 years old or more, but Boscov’s won’t sell me a band for it.  Yeah, I bought it at a K-Mart long defunct, but that’s beside the point.

      Also, I needed a longer band for this watch.  I visited one of those small kiosks that specialize in watches, situated in the middle of the mall, to ask about a band.  “Long ones’ll cost you extra,” the bored to tears fellow pontificated, not nicely.  I left, since that was the way he felt about it.

      One band I actually have to send away for, because it is not the usual “one hole and a pole” type.  The folks at Timex recommend I send just the band, but I can’t seem to get it separated from the watch, and none of the jewelers will do it if they can’t sell me a new band.

      I refuse to part with the watch.  It’s a nice watch.  It runs.  Of course I’ll find a compromise eventually, if I have to send the whole timepiece away by insured mail.  Naturally, by the time I manage to get a new band, it will probably need a new battery.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    • Stupid Balls

      Posted at 1:46 am by kayewer, on June 12, 2011

      The ball is such a simple thing:  perfectly round, it rolls, bounces or rotates on a display.  We roll balls to each other, throw them, kick them or try to keep them from escaping on an incline.  So why do we do silly things with them to confuse the simplicity of it all?  I have seen some strange things passing for balls these days.

      In the Walgreen’s the other day, I saw an oversized hand-held play ball with large round tumor-like growths on it.  Fine for keeping it in one place and slowing it down if it gets away, but not really any more ergonomic than the original for holding.  Also, it was too large to use as a sports ball of any kind.  It seemed a waste of an idea.

      The football stands out as something of an oxymoron.    One can play soccer, which uses a ball, but the ball is a soccer ball or, in some countries, a football.  The American football is not specifically designed for kicking, but for passing and carrying, too.  If a ball is described as round, this oval object defies that concept.  A lumbering player, burdened by fifty pounds of padding and a medically designed helmet to cushion the brain (but make the head sweat like a damp sponge) can wrap one huge paw around a football, and its aerodynamics ensure an awesome amount of air time as it’s passed across the field.  However, it lands on the ground and bounces chaotically and, as Murphy’s law would have it, in the opposite direction to its designated catcher.

      I never did understand why a ping-pong ball is called a ping-pong ball.  It makes the same sound when it hits a paddle or a table, so call it either a ping ball or a pong ball.  It apparently took only one ball to make the eyes of the original Muppet, Kermit (along with the fabric from an old green coat).  If Jim Henson can make two eyes out of one ball, we can give it a simpler one syllable name.

      Finally, I read in the Reader’s Digest that the cosmetic overachievers in our world have decided the family dog should not have to look sexually crippled after neutering.  Neuticles(R) (they have a website) are artificial testicles that can be implanted to help Fido retain self-esteem and a false sense of definitive masculinity at the local fire hydrant.  They cost around $200 a pair.  And no, they aren’t symmetrically round, either, judging from the sample photos of the product.

      Science tells us the planets are not perfect balls, either.  I guess it stands to reason that we, in interacting with balls, are also just short of perfect symmetry.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    • To E Or Not to E

      Posted at 2:13 am by kayewer, on June 5, 2011

      That is the question.  Whether ’tis nobler in the world of commerce to reduce my reading to a slab of electronic components, or take up piles of paperbacks from the local brick-and-mortar stores and, by collecting, keep them open for business?

      There are so many electronic reading gizmos on the market right now, that I’m reminded of the video VHS/Beta Wars, the Blue Ray and Toshiba’s HD DVD Battle, the skirmish between film and digital cameras, all of which happened in my lifetime and have left mountainous piles of cyber waste in their wake.  Tablets and e-readers will come and go over the next year or so before the dust clears and winners emerge.

      Now that books are being challenged by the e-reader, a thin miniature computer which seizes whole texts from cyberspace and puts them on a screen for viewing anytime you wish, sales are as high as a library bookshelf.  The format is still young; users can actually “turn pages” by pressing a button.  With so many versions out there, only one or two are bound to survive.  Fortunately two are holding the lead right now.

      The Amazon Kindle is the one which has become its own verb  (folks in the publishing industry refer to Kindling new reading products).  The next commonly found one is Barnes and Noble’s Nook, which comes with a color screen.  I haven’t heard anybody talking about Nooking a book, but when I think of Kindling, I think of building a fire (the temperature of which must be 451 degrees to burn a regular book, so I’m told).

      I like having a shelf full of books.  I’ve known many folks who have vast libraries of books, and I can’t imagine life without them.  Electronics can be shut off, but books can be dried off when wet, taped when ripped and picked up without so much as a gasp if they are dropped.  Try doing that with a $300 Kindle.  The worst that can happen with a book is a dirty, wet or kinked page or two, keeping in mind that books have an equal chance of landing pages down or landing fully shut (thereby losing your place for you).

      I’m on the fence about buying a slab to store my books.  If books become targets of cyber crime, nobody would have to hold a match to them; they could just enter some code and my storehouse could disappear in a blip.  However, the convenience of having reading material in half the space and at a fraction of the weight (think of eliminating school backpacks) makes it tempting to cave.  Since I’m in no hurry, I’ll watch and wait, hiding behind my current paperback.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment | Tagged Books, e readers, Kindle, Nook
    • Toting It Along

      Posted at 2:25 am by kayewer, on May 29, 2011

      Handbags are a pain in the neck, as well as the shoulder.  Ever since the Ambassador II–the greatest handbag invented since carrying stuff around in a small, decorated vessel was assigned to women–went out of production, it’s been a fruitless search for a replacement.

      Just this week I got one based on an online examination, and I’ll have to return it; it looked good in the picture, but the metal handle alone weighs five pounds, and it’s about the size of a toddler to carry along.  I’m really trying to downsize my purse, like most women (along with our weight).  I’m down to carrying the contents of a fat cereal box, and checking the scale (yes, I weighed the contents of my purse) I found I’m carting about six pounds every day on my shoulder.  You male readers may laugh, but just wait until you need a spare tissue or a pen.  Unless you cave and buy a “man purse” or fill your pockets, a woman with a purse is your best friend.

      For those of you looking for a purse with a good flap closure and some room inside for more than just a lipstick and pocket change, the best I’ve come up with so far is Donna Sharp’s Pauline model in patchwork fabric, which happens to be in this season.  There is a center zipped pocket, an extra outer zip pocket, one inside the flap and the back section, two outer pouches for cell phones or to stuff receipts, a pen loop,  and plenty of strap room to adjust for any shoulder.  Mine is in pink, but they come in a variety of colors.  One woman I know has a collection of them.  We now exchange purchasing lore, and now that I’ve introduced her to ebags.com and she pointed me to the handbag, we’re tight.

      Talk about tight, have you seen the new theft-proof bags out on the market?  The company, Travelon, says their bags are made of nylon and “wire mesh, chain link construction” (I’m not making this up) to deter pickpockets and thieves who might slash your strap and make off with your spare tissues and pocket change.  They look fashionable enough, but unless my favorite haunts become demilitarized zones, I want colorful and roomy.

      The problem I’ll have with Donna Sharp fabric is that I’ll be worried once winter comes.  There’s nothing like a soggy purse, which is why leather has stood as the most popular handbag material.  Maybe I’ll do what women have done for ages:  slap a plastic bag over it like it’s own little all weather coat.

      Share this:

      • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
      Like Loading...
      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments
    ← Older posts
    Newer posts →
    • Feedback

      Eden's avatarEden on A Good Rabbit Hole
      Eden's avatarEden on Free Secretary
      Eden's avatarEden on Getting the Message
      Eden's avatarEden on The Unasked Questions
      Eden's avatarEden on And Her Shoes Were #9

Blog at WordPress.com.

Susan's Scribblings the Blog
Blog at WordPress.com.
  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Susan's Scribblings the Blog
    • Join 33 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Susan's Scribblings the Blog
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d