Susan's Scribblings the Blog

Author Archives: kayewer

• At Decor of the Matter

  Posted at 4:35 pm by kayewer, on April 23, 2022

  

  I came upon an article online the other day which said in short, “If you are of a certain age, you must get rid of these things in your home, because they make you look old.”

  Gee, I already have enough going on in life to make me look old, and now I should also blame the stuff in my home for making matters worse?

  Apparently your floors say a lot about your age, and right now you should not have shag carpeting, or wall-to-wall carpeting, in your home. I have found nothing more comfortable in winter than having carpet under my feet. Bare floors, by their very nature, are cold. But no, carpet is banished from the kingdom because some unknown resource of questionable authority says so. The article also pooh-poohed little rugs on bare floors. It’s nothing on your floor, or nothing.

  In the kitchen, I am hopeless because my floor is linoleum. Heaven forbid! It isn’t even a dated pattern, or tiles: it’s one piece and modern enough to blend in with my current appliances, all of which are less than 20 years old.

  I committed a sin by buying a dust ruffle for the bed. However, I think I redeemed myself by throwing out all the old spices in the kitchen in one de-cluttering session. So they cancel each other out.

  A few items on the list confused me, such as toilet lid covers and pedestal mats for in front of the loo (by the way, I don’t use the latter), and frame-less pictures, as well as too many framed photos placed on tables around the home. Gee, if you have a home and a family, why wouldn’t you want to see some of their faces? As for the lid cover, there is nothing more jarring than the clank of the lid hitting against the tank when you want to eliminate in peace. I’m keeping that. Sorry.

  I was relieved to read that I am still somewhat cool, since I have no farmhouse-related decor, popcorn ceilings or glib phrases on wall plaques. I did recently purchase a wood strip sign from the shore, because I wanted to have something in the living room to remind me of my fun at the beach. I retain the right to keep that. I also have not kept old paperwork or greeting cards, paperbacks (it’s hardcover or nothing, unless it wasn’t published that way) or socks with no mates. I don’t wear socks.

  So I guess I’m decorating to look more my age. If I tried to look new age, I would probably appear immature.

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• Billed Again

  Posted at 5:35 pm by kayewer, on April 16, 2022

  

  I went to see a show, and a trend has arisen which bothers me. It’s about the programs we receive as we enter the theater, which are often the well-known and popular Playbills(R). An attendant will often hand one to you, and as you take your seat and silence your mobile devices, you can read about the cast and crew, learn about the playwrights and authors and catch an article or two about Broadway or the world of performance art. You may also find a place for dinner or a retirement home for Aunt Millie in the ads.

  Fans collect them; nostalgists keep them in a binder or box, and some people discard them. At the theater I visited, there is a large brochure holder full of them, on the wall near the door, and folks who don’t want their copies simply put them back.

  It’s a funny type of recycling, and I find it confusing.

  Though I’ve never heard of anybody catching a disease from a written work, some may wonder if germs can be picked up from a glossy billet which has been held by somebody else. The fact that an attendant handed it to you in the first place doesn’t seem to bother anybody. Sometimes the theater employees wear dress gloves. However, we are still in the waxing and waning of a global illness, so we have unknown fears to contend with.

  The number of trees used to print theater programs is likely not the same as magazines or books, but with the house filled with people who I saw actively engaging their mobile devices to place them on silent, maybe it’s time to go digital with Playbill(R).

  I experienced a digital program during the holiday season, and it was easy to access. Of course, I didn’t have something to take home as a souvenir or to add to my collection. There are pros and cons for both.

  I just hope that we can always enjoy Playbill(R) and the experience of live theater well into my old age. Or at least as long as I have room to collect my programs.

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• Good Clouds

  Posted at 4:39 pm by kayewer, on April 9, 2022

  One of the best inventions in our modern world is cloud storage. It’s aptly named, because everything in cloud storage is like that fluffy stuff in the sky that you can’t touch but seems to exist as some mysterious aura above our heads. The purpose of cloud storage is to hold cyber stuff so you can find it from anywhere. This means that if I wrote something in Abu Dhabi, I could retrieve it from Costa Rica.

  Unfortunately, if I left my keys in Costa Rica, I probably couldn’t find them using cloud storage. It isn’t lost and found.

  At first I was distrustful of cloud storage, which is how I found myself with stuff on more than one device and no way to retrieve them all. Now, I sign on, and there it is like magic as if, by prestidigitation, somebody pulled stuff I wrote in 2014 out of a hat.

  And it’s not on paper, so the magician’s rabbit (or the dog) didn’t eat it. This means that homework can be stored on the cloud, which eliminates the excuse that the dog ate it, because writing won’t be on paper anymore.

  The trees have one more thing to be grateful to the clouds for, even though they’re not the same clouds. Going digital will help the forests regrow, because we won’t use as much paper.

  For authors, not using paper adds a new perspective to the craft. Looking at words onscreen is not the same as on paper, and even with new digital writing devices, it’s not the same experience while proofreading. Some devices try to replicate the experience of paper, with paper sound effects and the look of pencil or pen drawing. Submitting manuscripts is going from paper to sending PDFs via email. In the “good old days,” manuscripts came in a stack of pages in a special box, much like senate bills, only smaller. Reports used to be white papers stacked inside a folder and given eye-catching covers. One of the first things we learned in school was how to prepare a report. Now report covers are also going away.

  You can also save artwork to the cloud, which frees up refrigerators from children’s artwork. This means we’re still not fully free of paper, but we are using it as backup.

  I admit to missing some of the old-fashioned ways of doing things, but I have a good feeling about cloud storage and going digital. My latest device was so easy to set up, I was amazed. I took it out of the box, and within minutes, the cloud brought all my stuff to me.

  And these clouds are so smart, they don’t even produce rain.

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• Walking Chairman

  Posted at 2:38 pm by kayewer, on April 3, 2022

  

  I realized this week that I have to get out of the chair more often. Research shows that sitting for prolonged periods can cause obesity and insomnia, which explains why we’re all getting fat and sleeping fewer hours than we’d like.

  At least I know that I can still walk quite a few miles when motivated: I just walked a good 6-8 miles while carrying about ten extra pounds of stuff in a shopping tote. Which I had to pay for, because of the new bag rules going into effect everywhere. Shopping is costly, and so are bags.

  After I bought the bag, I went to an employee appreciation event and they gave me a free tote bag. I had to hold back from being an ingrate and saying to them, “You should’ve been with me an hour ago, when I could’ve used this tote bag to haul my purchases for free.

  This is how my car has become a repository for bags which never seem to leave the trunk.

  We’re in the habit of going into stores empty-handed and coming out with bags full of stuff. Some ancient idiocy has programmed us to feel silly carrying empty bags into a place, so we’ll have to get rid of this mindset.

  It could become a fashionable, socially acceptable habit to actually have a bag for each store, and proudly take it inside to fill up with purchases.

  The next big thing will be to come up with bags that won’t embarrass people when they bring them inside. The more expandable (and collapsible), the better.

  The habit of walking is a healthy one to cultivate, and I have done my share, but when my job requires my presence in front of a computer screen for a full day, it’s hard to get any steps in. I usually work some in by doing errands during my breaks and lunch. The time doesn’t seem to slow down, either, during breaks, but fly as if somebody has accelerated the natural order of its passage.

  A friend of mine retired and now walks daily, and she walks across entire town borders. Because she has the time. I don’t even think she owns a watch anymore, unless it’s a fitness device.

  So I’m now committed to stepping out a bit more, and the warmer weather will make it easier to do. I just have to remember that, if I stop in a store, I must bring a bag with me to put my purchases in. I wonder if I should use a plastic bag, or would that be considered unfashionable?

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• Twitchy

  Posted at 4:40 pm by kayewer, on March 26, 2022

  

  Do people who twitch annoy you? I can only imagine the most shallow people would be annoyed by the presence of a person who may have a bodily dysfunction like a twitch. This also applies to scoffing at the visibly challenged, such as those who have mobility assistance devices, people with birthmarks, acne, scars, or anything which a select class of people finds intolerable. You may identify as somebody who finds–ahem–imperfections an inconvenience to your daily existence.

  If this describes you, you may also be the type who stays at home, draws the blinds, and clutches the pearls if you so much as raise a bump on the skin while plucking a facial hair.

  You’re bringing us all down, friend.

  A series of prescription commercials are directed at a condition known as tardive dyskinesia, a side effect of some types of anti-depressant medications. TD can cause involuntary mouth or limb movements such as twitching. So can some chronic conditions. People suffering from these symptoms cannot control them. You, however, can control how you react to them. The folks on the ads say that they feel people are staring at their TD instead of at the person.

  So people make other people feel bad about themselves, they take medication to feel better, and they still get picked on for having side effects. That sounds like a typical game plan of a bully: destroy everything until the victim is destroyed.

  What kind of human being does this stuff? Hope that doesn’t describe you.

  Life is not about catering to your ideals; they’re about blending all our lives into one ideal world in which everybody has a place. Some people are quick to ruin life for others because of something they perceive as a flaw, but the truth is the flaws we can see are much better than those we cannot.

  Some ugly stuff is in our souls.

  I don’t stare at flaws: I engage people at the soul level. I bring a smile and pleasant words and patience. Others pick apart and complain, swear and interrupt the flow of time with impatience. You may know some of these high-horse riding folks as Karens.

  Karen is a nice name, not to be confused with an attitude.

  Since some medications may have side effects, a patient may weigh the benefits of one over the other. In some cases, they take another medication to counteract the side effects of the one causing the TD. Now that’s dedication; they don’t want to sit at home with the blinds drawn and clutch their pearls. They want to live their lives.

  Next time you get ready to stare at somebody who is twitching, just don’t do it.

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• Shore Is Me

  Posted at 4:41 pm by kayewer, on March 19, 2022

  

  I took a Me Day to visit the shore. After over two decades of not going to the beach, I thought it was time to return, so I’m renting a property to take some time off just to write and relax. As part of the process of reviewing the place in person and finalizing the details, I decided to get my walking in on the boardwalk while I was there. Boy am I tired.

  The driving was not bad for a spring weekend. In the absence of maps, I tried to use my car’s service to offer turn-by-turn directions, but it wanted me to take the toll road, so I discarded that option. Instead I headed out using the main highway leading to the popular beach side resorts, and turned when the signs told me to. Worked fine for me.

  The issue I had was not recognizing anything along the route. The usual landmarks have been replaced by sprawling malls and housing developments, and I think I completely missed one of my father’s favorite shortcuts simply because it wasn’t there (or at least it didn’t look like I expected it to), so I drove flat out on one road until a turnoff appeared for the main strip to the southern shore towns. If I had stayed on the same road, eventually I would have driven my car into the Atlantic Ocean, so it was just a matter of making a turn before that happened.

  Some things have not changed in over twenty years; the little tykes’ theme park was still there, along with the familiar farmer’s markets, the hubcap emporium featuring a tall tree of them as a roadside attraction, and an abundance of mobile home parks and campgrounds along the way. It was a pleasant excursion, though my favorite radio station lost its signal less than a quarter of a way to the destination.

  The visitor’s center used to be a little building on a spit of land off the bridge, but it has become a modern and complex place to figure out how to enter. I missed the turnoff, so I didn’t visit. The truck behind me, who was in an immense hurry, is partly to blame for the distraction.

  Once I tended to the business portion of the trip, I dropped off some donations at the animal shelter, then went to the boardwalk and strolled nearly ten full blocks, then took off my shoes and walked barefoot along the sand and dipped my toes in the water. The ocean was bracing, the breeze strong but tolerable, and the sand felt good on my feet. By the time I turned for home, I was pleasantly achy and tired, so I know I’ll sleep well tonight. Also, my wallet is lighter, because I made a gift shop stop.

  Come summer, I’ll be back to enjoy some peace and quiet. If I can ignore the call of the sea.

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• A Monster Walked Into a Convention

  Posted at 8:21 pm by kayewer, on March 12, 2022

  

  I spent a few hours at a horror convention. After too long without this twice annual event, people were happy to brave nasty weather to buy scary merchandise and meet horror related celebrities.

  We spent hours strolling through the shopping mecca of scary stuff; movies on DVD, tee shirts, collectibles, jewelry, action figures and reproductions of iconic items like the Phantasm sentinel sphere and Thor’s mighty hammer (I thought about trying to heft it, but figured I’m not worthy).

  The crowd was amazing, polite, pleasant and mannerly. I was also told that the celebs were gracious. Though I was familiar with a few of them, I didn’t seek any pre-paid autographs or photos, though a friend did get a picture with a popular television serial killer vigilante and was thrilled to get up close and personal with somebody so well-known.

  Part of the thrill for me was just watching the parade of humanity. One daring fellow went full-on with applying an afore-mentioned Phantasm sphere to be lodged in his forehead. A variety of cosplay guests (persons who try to exactly replicate a popular culture character by wearing a costume and full makeup and/or accessories/prosthetics), including Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger, moved through the crowd and posed for pictures. I even saw a youngster dressed as Chucky in his pre-evil killer doll persona. Some women wore horror-themed dresses, and plenty of jackets sported scary themes.

  Among the crush of people, we did notice a lot of body art revealed with bare arms and creatively covered torsos, and the only bad thing to speak of was the fact that the aroma of a certain controversial plant occasionally crossed our paths because somebody had taken a smoke break before entering the convention floor. The police officers strolling the area had nothing really to do. The attendees were civil.

  Movies ran in one of the hotel auditoriums on a continuous schedule. Annual vendors were easy to find for their regular visitors, and I met up with the tee shirt vendor who was happy to announce that he got licensing for some popular shirts. I got three.

  Horror themed conventions aren’t that much different from others, and it was liberating to go out on a cold and rainy/snowy day and see some interesting things.

  I’ll even sleep well tonight.

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• To Whom Can I Turn?

  Posted at 4:57 pm by kayewer, on March 5, 2022

  

  One should be suspicious of any business that does not have an accessible information booth or a complaint department. In the olden days, department stores had a complaint department; it was often near the gift wrap and returns, and in the lower level (read basement), but customers could form a queue and politely air grievances about anything to do with their store experience and have a sympathetic ear. Often the ear was also attached to some mild-mannered milquetoast; in later years the person behind the desk may have been more commanding in their presence, such as a woman one might suspect of having worked in a rock quarry (“Yeah, what’s your beef, wimp?”)

  I have been having some frustrating issues lately, and no place to talk about them. Facebook, for example, has been limiting my actions on the very page you are reading when it is posted there, and they won’t let me settle the issue. Everything I click on is blocked, so I can’t inquire or provide what they may need to reverse the matter. I am so grateful for the handful of supporters I have now, since any potential new supporters don’t know I exist because Facebook doesn’t seem interested in letting me speak with them.

  Microsoft is also a problem to complain to. I had an issue with a game, and when somebody is using a game for brain stimulation or relaxation like me, an issue with playing tends to have the opposite effect. Normally I would turn to the YouTube cheats, in which an expert deftly solves the puzzle while you watch and makes you feel like a total idiot, but this was a rare occasion when I could not find one for this particular game. Sure it’s embarrassing to have somebody hold your hand through a game, but imagine, when there isn’t one, what new level of hell that can be, especially when one is used to ranking in the top ten or twenty on any given day. This particular game cost me dearly when I struggled to reach that point and grew too exhausted to go further, and I ended up in the top 50 somewhere.

  Sometimes in my daily job, I field complaints from other people. This past week I got one of my most dreaded classic approaches to complaining: the entitled person who misses their high school debate team years and makes anybody in customer service miserable by being a jerk and not knowing when to stop.

  These types follow a predictable pattern; first, they openly admit they didn’t follow the best route to satisfaction, either through misguided actions on their part or downright fraud, and the reply simply suggests another way to get the same result. This then brings another reply stating that our answer is useless. Imagine that: throwing monetary bonuses or the road to satisfaction their way, and they call it useless. I always wonder what type of person does this (Dr. Phil McGraw would probably say a narcissist). After a further review and polite suggestions, another missal (read missile) is launched picking apart the reply verbatim with an opinionated jab or two such as “You’re talking with the flair of corporate speak.” Well, sir, who would you want to reply to your malodorous rant, the local librarian?

  Maybe the reason some places did away with complaint departments is that, once one has been complained to all day, the services of a shrink are required, and that’s expensive. The costs have to be passed on to customers, who then complain about that. Gee, we are a complaining race, aren’t we.

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• New Faces

  Posted at 5:26 pm by kayewer, on February 26, 2022

  

  We are starting to re-enter a world we haven’t seen in almost two years, and it’s going to be scary for a while before we feel comfortable with it again. I’m talking about what will happen when people can see our mouths and noses after hiding them like bandits for 23 months.

  The signs are coming down from businesses, and schools are starting to debate the issue of when to uncover. Soon we will be freely breathing air without the protection of woven material to catch possible contaminants.

  I don’t know what will happen to the rebels who sat on their high horses and refused to cover up all this time. I suppose they will simply blend in with the rest of the bare-faced sea of humanity and never spout their disagreeable rhetoric again.

  Or they may take up another cause instead.

  The problem with uncovering is that most of us have not had to do anything with our faces for nearly two years. In fact, some of us haven’t had anything to do at all for two years. It shows not just on our faces, but in our sudden increased girth.

  I know I’ve gained pounds since I had to pack up my work stuff and set it up at home two Marches ago. Luckily my clothes held out for most of the journey, and I think that a few pounds off will put me back into them again. That and my newfound love for those wonderful control garments that will mold any flab on my ab and pinch up my paunch. God bless Sara Blakely.

  As for facial improvements, some people took the time to see the nip and tuck surgeons, so they may not look quite the same when gatherings commence. Others, like me, will debate how to draw on features again after hiding them for months. Makeup counters will be busy once more, and the point of sale machines will be smoking with all the smoky eye purchases to come.

  All this time I have been attending Zoom meetings, and am well-versed in how to stop video and unmute myself on cue. I tailored the background behind me so I won’t be the fourth person in the meeting room using the sun porch filter with the lovely window looking out at sunlight joy. I also put on makeup.

  Now I guess I’ll have to put on a more public face when I shop. No more orifice incognito.

  Look out, world. The faces are coming back.

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• Week That Was Weirdly

  Posted at 4:50 pm by kayewer, on February 19, 2022

  

  I had lobster for lunch this week. That revelation brought some interesting reactions before now, and I didn’t have a chance to really explain it, so now is the perfect time to do so.

  The reason I found myself having lobster for lunch was that, on my way home from a (now rare) visit to the office, I turned onto a favorite route and saw that Cousin’s Maine Lobster had parked their food truck at the intersection, in the parking lot of a strip mall bordered by a Kohl’s and a supermarket, and I realized I would not be likely to have the opportunity to try their products again if I didn’t grab it. It was just after noontime, and only two people were in the queue, so I stopped.

  Cousin’s was an early success story on ABC’s Shark Tank, when owners Sabin Lomac and Jim Szelikis pitched their then one-truck Los Angeles-based business, hoping to receive a $55,000 investment for a five percent stake, and got a deal with real estate boss lady Barbara Corcoran, who jacked up her cut to fifteen percent at the end. The business has grown to nearly five-fold and covers nineteen states.

  While reviewing the selections on the side of the truck, I realized I was dabbling in hoity-toity territory: my bill came out to $40 after leaving a tip! That was a mighty expensive lunch.

  It was worth every penny. And yes, there were leftovers.

  I indulged in the lobster sandwich with cheese, an order of lobster topping potato tots, and a whoopee pie. The calories were staggering, but it was a one-time deal. I was stuffed and didn’t bother with dinner then, but the rest of the tots went with the following night’s meal.

  The rest of the week after that was odd, in that I took piggy-back half days off for doctor appointments: in the PM and the next day in the AM, and in the time remaining to me, I made some shopping stops–in broad daylight on a weekday!–and ran errands like having a new window shade cut.

  Changing the routine can be enlightening and slightly nerve wracking when you’re not used to it. Add a rare temperature spike into the 60-degree range (in February), and nothing seemed right about four of the five days. Add to that a bunch of Zoom meetings, freak storms, part of my block closing for pothole repair (the gas and electric company did that one, and another big honking tire eater, which was not theirs, remains for the municipal crew to fill in), and a mad scramble to figure out how to order a new collectible from a group I recently joined, and it will be nice to return to something like normal next week.

  If such a thing is possible.

  At least I’m back to the usual cheap lunches.

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