I have spoken about toilet tissue before, because it’s something that we Americans understand collectively as a unifying subject that we all need and use. Along with bread, milk and eggs, the past two months were big sales periods for booty wipes. The only exception to that unity being the ongoing debate of whether your roll should be installed under or over (for the sake of argument, the patent for TP showed the roll going over).
That argument has been reinforced recently by none other than Charmin, the pop culture TP of choice in millions of households. 1.22 billion dollars in revenue annually are pocketed by Proctor & Gamble for both the Ultra Soft and Ultra Strong varieties. The “Mega Roll” concept of paper products which don’t run out quickly was also a part of the Charmin experience, with bold callouts on the packages saying this roll is the equivalent of so many of the regular variety.
Well, now the folks at P&G have outdone themselves with what they call the “Forever Roll.”
Sure, you say, nothing lasts forever. This behemoth of a roll of Charmin may come rather close. It consists of a foot in diameter roll of 1700 sheets (32 times the number of an average TP roll), and a starter kit comes with a pair plus a weighted free-standing dispenser base and pole with spool for around $30. The average two-person household, it is said, would take one month to go through one entire roll.
I saw boxes of the starter kit at the market. It reminded me of the discount club’s multi-pack, which I only need to buy periodically. The box the kit comes in is large and as unwieldy as the plastic-wrapped big pack, but you only need to endure purchasing it once. If, like me, you have a small bathroom with no floor space for the equivalent of a tricycle tire suspended from a large pin, you can go on the Charmin website and find a screw-in wall mount or an adhesive version. I can’t imagine even 3M can come up with an adhesive that would hold the 2-pound spool, and apparently there is an extra-large(r) roll available as well. Just like the Mega Roll with the optional adaptor for wall mounting, there is something for everybody.
The roll is mounted flush, so the end always goes over. This may disturb roll under purists, who may then switch to whether the roll goes clockwise or counterclockwise.
The burning question is, how will this huge institutional-sized household product fare among the masses? Will it bring relief to those with a compromised digestive system and the need for frequent rest stops? What will cats make of it? Will Mischief Night in October become too big a problem? Will mummies be grateful?
Inquiring minds may not care, but I submit the facts for you to enjoy or discard as you see fit.
It’s a wrap.
Or a wipe.
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