My experience with the opposite sex has been, as the Brits might put it, a bit wonky. Having been born in the generation between “up with respectability” and “up with free love,” the males who made up the generation I would be dating didn’t seem to know what they were doing.
Part of the problem was with our parents deciding whether we should learn about the birds and bees the factual way, the rumor mill way or no way. Whatever false information that came to us, the risks of “bad things” happening became more severe, from the dangers of unwanted pregnancy and venereal diseases to AIDS. These were serious complications of life we were forced to contend with.
Yet nobody wanted to be the odd person out who hadn’t lost what has become known in modern lingo as “the V card.” For males especially, some magical edict says that they should know what they’re doing, and that it’s okay to learn with a partner who either knows what she is doing and can guide them along the way, or is exactly like them and one can simply stumble through that first go-round.
Women, on the other hand, are supposed to “save themselves,” and their magical edict states that a dip in the deep pool prior to marriage is also okay, because at least then one supposedly knows what they’re doing and there will be no surprises on the honeymoon night.
So if you want somebody with experience, you must also contend with the sociological baggage that comes with knowing your partner has been with at least one other person before you. If they still don’t know what they’re doing, it can be a deal breaker for some.
You may be wondering why I’m on this notion in the first place. Well, there was a prescription ad on the TV about an HIV prep method to allow people with the condition to engage in sex without worrying about disease transmission. That’s the problem with those first nervous moments when you commit to hooking up with somebody: you can’t see their history. You rely solely on their honesty.
When you have watched multiple decades of your best years, and “bad things” happening, passing you by, it’s with mixed emotions when you see a commercial saying it’s okay to engage in pleasure when you have a serious disease.
So the question goes out to the men: how do you deal with the baggage of being expected to know what you’re doing in this world we’re living in? What is a deal breaker for you?
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