Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Monthly Archives: November 2023

    • Surplus Population

      Posted at 8:13 pm by kayewer, on November 25, 2023

      It amazes me starting every Thanksgiving week that, suddenly and predictably, the population everyplace seems to explode and multiply by hundreds. Where do all these people come from, and where do they hide between January and the Monday before the turkey goes in the oven?

      Starting on Black Friday, it isn’t even safe to try and find a nice parking space anyplace you frequent, because every spot is taken by an SUV, many of them from other states. I never realized so many people from Pennsylvania loved Sprouts enough to cross the bridge and visit the one that just opened in my neighborhood. All I wanted to do was buy a bunch of bananas, some mandarins and a loaf of bread, and I had to navigate around folks desperately looking to shop at Target or the liquor store. Today, I had to make my way through traffic on side streets which are normally empty but served as detours as cars were being diverted for parades, and the number of vehicles was staggering. Every car had at least two people and as many as six, including children and anxious dogs.

      Fortunately I looked at my wall calendar yesterday, or I would have forgotten that I had a Saturday matinee stage show in Philadelphia. Normally I wouldn’t be out and about on Thanksgiving weekend, because it’s too hectic. The streets are crowded, and a lot of people are outside their comfort zones and have no idea where they are going, making everyday tasks more complex. Still, I managed to park and get to the theatre in good time. The house was packed, because it was the family holiday musical selection, and parents brought their kids. I was pleased to see the children in nice holiday outfits, proving that some traditions have not changed yet. And yes, the traffic in Center City was also extreme, which is why I took public transit.

      The sudden surge in population clogs the airports and train stations, ties up roads and highways, spills into the outer rims of mall parking lots and snugs tightly nose to tail on small town streets in which the parking meters have been replaced by cell phone fee activation or covered in little cozy covers to make parking free and bring small business, well, business.

      The first holiday weekend of the winter, blessedly, is nearly over, and the Sunday airport delays and highway traffic will go in the other direction. Soon, the kazillion people who have appeared magically in our midst will disappear again into wherever they came from until it gets closer to the four December holidays (the big ones being Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah and New Year’s, with all due respect to the other ones celebrated around the world).

      Funny thing is, the day after Christmas, there is no surge in traffic; every shopping establishment is a ghost town, and their hours are back to pre-holiday early closures. It’s a complex mystery that occurs every year, and I get the chance to watch the parade of humanity rise and fall like waves in a storm.

      My vehicle will stay parked in the driveway.

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    • Thankful

      Posted at 6:15 pm by kayewer, on November 18, 2023

      This Thursday, I will be preparing my first boneless roast turkey, with mashed potatoes and vegetables, and possibly a dessert. On Black Friday I will be working from home, and the schedule should be light because of the anticipated four-day weekend most people will have.

      I’m lucky to be able to sit down to a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Some people won’t be able to put as much on their tables (if they own tables). So even though I have issues that go unresolved year after year, I still count myself as being fortunate.

      Even though I have not had a date in ages, I’m glad I don’t have to sit at a table and pretend to be happy when children are crying and Daddy is swinging his fists at us.

      Even if nobody ever glances my way because of how I look, at least I am healthy for my age, I’m clean and have all my own teeth. Some of the most outwardly beautiful people I’ve known have died young or suffer quite a few maladies on the inside where they don’t show.

      Even if people don’t think I’m any fun because I don’t drink or smoke and never touched illicit drugs, at least I can find ways to be happy without any of those things.

      Even if people make fun of how I live my life, at least I can close my doors and live my own way inside my own four walls. Since I’m doing nothing wrong, it has no effect on anybody but myself.

      Even if people think it’s old-fashioned to be polite and say “please” and “thank you,” at least people to whom I say them seem to appreciate the gesture.

      Even when I look in the mirror and think about how I was never able to coordinate everything so that I would be perfect for just one moment in time when everybody could appreciate it, at least I know I always made the effort with what I had at the time.

      Many people will be lonely over the coming holidays. Even with those they have around them. A date on the calendar doesn’t make everything right for everybody. When the feast is laid out, take a moment, and remember that the least you have may be the most others can ever wish for. And be thankful for that.

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    • To Present Friends

      Posted at 7:55 pm by kayewer, on November 11, 2023

      Earlier today I participated in a “friendsgiving” meal with some people I don’t often get to see anymore. We’re clocking decades, and those years are no longer kind to our bodies, particularly our engines and joints, so it’s a challenge to get all of us together in one place. There is also the issue of relocation; some of our friends are not even on the same coast anymore.

      We did manage seven for dinner, and we had a wonderful time.

      Everybody brought something, so it was a good old-fashioned “potluck” with turkey, ham, and every side dish imaginable. I volunteered the mashed potatoes, which traveled well for an hour’s journey through the wilds of the back country and mysterious wooded neighborhoods off the usual highways and tree-barren developments. I could not imagine trying to drive a three-tier wedding cake to anyplace this easily. I kept it simple. And yes, I brought a bottle.

      I was warned beforehand that finding the host’s house may be difficult for GPS. You know the experience of having your directions place you in downtown Podunk when you were headed to Upper Dopunk. My first big adventure came when I pulled over on the interstate to program the driving directions into my car’s network; as I was finishing the request, a police vehicle pulled up behind me, lights flashing. Immediately I reached into my handy purse for my driver’s license and proof of insurance, certain that I was about to be singled out for speeding. The officer informed me that he was on a call to somebody near the same mile marker who experienced a flat tire. Fortunately, that was not me, and he sent me on my way.

      My route turned out to be more triangular than it needed to be, and I was driving long stretches on unfamiliar smaller routes dotted by roadside farmstands and the occasional diner or quickie mart. When driving for such lengthy periods to an unfamiliar place, the cloud of doubt descends and tries to compel you to turn back. Not me: I had two batches of fresh mashed potatoes to deliver, and by golly I was going to get there if I had to pull over and ask directions of anybody on whom I could pull up and harass.

      As I began the final leg of the journey, a favorite song came over the radio, and I took it as a sign that either Jesus was taking the wheel, or my GPS system knew where we were going. In minutes I pulled up to the host’s homestead, where a few extra parked cars offered a glimmer of hope that I was actually at the right address and not Jason Voorhees’ creepy cousin.

      I was welcomed with open arms and something to drink. I discovered a few new dishes, and we enjoyed a turkey sent to us by our illustrious coordinator, who unfortunately was unable to make the trip because of a sudden emergency. We did an in-person phone conference instead. Our plan is to try and pull off one more of these in the summer when conditions may be better.

      Meanwhile, we reminisced about those who departed this earth–one whom we thought dead, wasn’t–and others who decided their goodbye from our company was truly the last one because of a conscious decision to disown the past. We embraced having known each other for forty years or longer, and with our good remaining years up to chance, we sat around the dining room table and simply spoke our minds, enjoyed good company and tasty food. We talked about the changes in pop culture, how our bodies are holding up to the later years, and how to take care of ourselves, our loved ones, and our homes. It was a stimulating time with wonderful people who were welcoming and forthcoming about life as it is right now. We enjoyed the chance to relax and just be ourselves for a while.

      When I left to make my way home by reversing my GPS directions, I felt relaxed and fulfilled in spirit, having spent time with familiar faces. It’s something that is often missing from life today unless we use the holidays around November and December to attempt something big like this event.

      I hope we get to do it again. And I know the way now.

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    • Felicia’s Story

      Posted at 4:50 pm by kayewer, on November 4, 2023

      Today I’m going to tell you a story about an amazing 11-year-old girl named Felicia LoAlbo-Melendez. During the 2022-2023 school year at F.W. Holbein Elementary School in Mount Holly, NJ, she was in the sixth grade, and had shown enough proficiency to have skipped a grade. She pursued activities such as chorus, drama, and clubs dedicated to supporting sexual diversity as well as the Random Acts of Kindness Club. She had put forth suggestions about starting a support group for victims of bullying; her idea was to form what she called a “trauma club.”

      When it came to trauma, she had first-hand experience; she was being systematically bullied over a period of two school years because of her LatinX background, perceived flaws in her physical person and others’ opinions about her own sexual identity.

      The incidents were documented in reports. A student placed a puddle of water on her seat to wet her lower clothing when she sat down. A teacher was present when the student drew attention to Felicia, and the class laughed. The teacher did nothing. Felicia was pushed down the stairs. Felicia was subjected to racial slurs, along with the usual bully tactical words such as “ugly.” A student put gum in Felicia’s hair, and cut a clump out. And this being the age of social media, Felicia was cyberbullied at all hours. Students also told her to “unlive herself.”

      Her father ultimately lost a battle with cancer in January. Two weeks later, on February 6th–a Monday–Felicia was found at school unresponsive. She was ultimately pronounced dead two days later, cradled in the arms of her mother. Her death was ruled a suicide, with no suspicion of foul play.

      The (remaining) family is filing a lawsuit against the school district, its superintendent Robert Mungo, as well as the principal and faculty who knew about the systematic destruction of Felicia’s life and failed to offer any assistance. In fact, in the two weeks between her father’s death and her own, a supposed plan to adjust Felicia’s schedule to steer her away from potential assaults by her bullies when she was likely at her most vulnerable, failed to materialize.

      So life at the school is continuing as normal. In fact, the school’s homepage still bears an icon designating it as a “No Place for Hate” school by an arm of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).

      They certainly don’t hate bullies at F. W. Holbein Elementary School. And the bullies are now in the seventh grade.

      (Sources: Burney, Melanie, “Family of 11-year-old who died by suicide say she was bullied”: Philadelphia Inquirer, November 3, 2023, page B1. Also F.W. Holbein website: https://holbein.mtholly.k12.nj.us/)

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