Back in the days when cartoons were simpler and yet still funny, a common trope when making fun of the entertainment industry included when a character would call for makeup; somebody would appear with a gigantic powder puff and smack it upon the individual’s face, with a cloud of billowing white resulting from the assault.
It’s been ages since I’ve seen a powder puff in the cosmetics aisle.
Today’s selection of tinted coverage is immense, taking up a full wall at the local pharmacy. The lineup of the popular names–Revlon, Maybelline, Covergirl, MAC, e.l.f., L’Oréal–draw the eyes and drain the wallet with a variety of designs stamped into powders, bottles brimming with every skin tint on the planet, lip options of soft colorful columns or hard shaded sticks, all designed to produce a desired look.
The shopping list for a store cosmetics run is mindboggling. Foundation comes in powder, liquid or paste, and requires an applicator which looks like somebody dismantled the tips of a kids’ foam bow-and-arrow playset. Concealer must also accompany the foundation to hide flaws. Blush also comes in powder or cream with its own applicator. The eyes require mascara thick enough to transfer onto a paint canvas with one blink, liner to make sure people know where your eyeballs are in relation to the rest of you, and shadows in palettes that resemble a psychedelic fever dream.
Apparently no woman should be without her makeup face in public, and it requires the skill of an artist to apply it well. One must follow the planes of the face (or determine where they should be when absent) and use the correct product to conceal, beautify or illuminate the area to the proper degree.
If you’re unsure of how to begin this process for yourself, simply watch any dramatic social media video. It has seemingly become a requirement for those creating content to do a bonus makeup application video at the same time.
I don’t understand how it suddenly became necessary to discuss a breakup with a cheating boyfriend while outlining one’s eyebrows (I did exclude that from the list earlier) and dabbing foundation with the arrow tip foam applicator previously mentioned. Unfortunately I cannot guarantee that watching these videos will help you with your face type, nor will it recommend what products to buy.
These videos are seemingly designed to give the posting person something to do with their hands while revealing how they found out about the cheating boyfriend. Usually it’s by employing private detective work and receiving intel from similarly well-tinted friends. And they still managed to look good doing it.
I don’t find the makeup techniques empowering, and I’m sure that if men watch them, they are either put off by how much work is involved or appalled by how much women hide beneath the layers of stuff. Whatever purpose it serves doesn’t seem worth the effort.
The most interesting makeup videos I’ve seen on social media are done by drag queens. I’m sure I’ll catch flak for saying so, but a woman can only enhance her looks so much, but when you take an ordinary male and transform them into a female so stunning that no actual female could accomplish it, that’s what I call Hollywood style.
And they don’t use powder puffs, either.
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