Today I’m going to pretend that I’m a patron at the movie theater who is not like me at all:
“Wow, I’m at the movies, and my boyfriend is paying for everything; the ticket, the big bucket of popcorn, and the extra large soda which will be my dinner for tonight. If my sidepiece passed an infection on to me when we grabbed some whoopie the other night, I can just pay it forward when my main squeeze and I get it on later.
“I’ll just wipe my buttery hands all over the armrests; heck, they have people to clean these, right? Oops, spilled the rest of my soda. Oh well, the ice cubes will melt. I’m sure not picking up the lid and the straw. They touched the floor!
“Movie is over already? I’ll just drop the popcorn bucket on the floor, too. It doesn’t look cool to walk out of the movie theater with an empty container. Besides, I may get checked out by somebody who will become my third piece.
“Oh, those 3D glasses? I can just drop them and somebody else will pick them up.”
I know this actually happened, because the people sitting next to me in the theater left their food items strewn about, and that includes leaving a soda cup in the cup holder, which annoys me. In second place is other food containers crammed in to fit the cup holder. I nearly stepped on the popcorn bucket. I saw at least three pairs of 3D glasses on the floors in the middle of or against walls, when several bins specifically for them were available on the way out of the auditorium.
It is this type of irresponsibility that causes clutter and possible hazards such as tripping or sliding. Just because a movie theater is dark, doesn’t mean people should behave with impunity and allow others to suffer the side effects of ignorance or entitlement.
The short films that tell you to look for the exits and turn off your devices have neglected the part about taking trash with you, but that does not mean you may dump your disposables anyplace.
My idea of the perfect petty revenge would be to obtain DNA samples from those discarded items, trace them to their owners, transport them to said owners’ properties and place them prominently at their front doors with huge signs reading “You forgot these at the AMC Downtown Pedunk.”
My idea of misdemeanor punishment is having somebody stand on a busy public street holding empty food containers, since this seems to be the most abhorrent thing ever to most folks. I don’t get it, but maybe they might.
It’s better than getting a disease from your sidepiece.
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