Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Monthly Archives: November 2022

    • Turkey Featherweight

      Posted at 11:54 am by kayewer, on November 24, 2022

      My heart is heavy today, and I haven’t even loaded up on Thanksgiving turkey yet (had a late breakfast). However, it’s depressing to write about an annual tradition which has officially ended this year and may never return.

      Every year since at least 2014, I have performed an annual weighing of the Black Friday sales circulars which come with the newspaper delivery. This used to be a source of fascination and joy, to go to the front walk and retrieve the two papers (one more national, one more local), and bring them inside for the official estimate. My mother, a Depression-era woman, still had my old baby scale, which came in handy to weigh large roasts for the oven, and it also served well for determining how much newspaper we got for the holiday season.

      I was tempted to do some arm curls because the heft of them both was so massive, and were the perfect size rolled up. Instead of a vertical roll, the carriers were forced to do a horizontal one, the number of ads for every store imaginable was so tremendous.

      In the good old days, the total weight of the supplements would rival a good-sized bowling ball. In 2014, the total weight of the papers was a whopping ten pounds. I posted this information to social media, to the delight of readers.

      In 2016, the papers slimmed down, weighing in at only 7.2 pounds.

      In 2019 it was a measly 3.9 pounds.

      The years of isolation and retail strife finally took their toll, and many of the reliable retailers were no longer even in business, such as K-Mart and Sears. Malls gave up on being open on Thanksgiving and the tradition of Black Friday returned to its rightfully scheduled position.

      But then again, many of the traditions we grew up with also left us, such as massive toy displays at department stores such as were seen in the classic film A Christmas Story. The days of professional window dressers who toiled at bringing scenes of holiday happiness to life in a frozen retail dioramas ended when many of the big stores shut down or expanded their interior sales floor space into those originally occupied by windows for the outside world. We no longer even have a toy store to light up a child’s face with promises of Santa saturation. Kiddie City is long gone, and Toys”R”Us is now a department at Macy’s.

      This year, the big sales ad was from the happy holdout of retail department stores, Boscov’s. The other ads were for electronics stores and bargain outlets. And the ads came on Wednesday.

      Unfortunately, it wasn’t worth breaking out the scale this year. It’s over but for this afternoon’s trip to tryptophan land.

      Perhaps this downfall should be attributed to the decline of the Boomer generation, for we were the ones who brought many of these yearly events into the world. Since we are leaving it, the things we brought to it will also go out of style. But what will those coming after us do for fun?

      You can’t weigh the Internet, or gift cards.

      It will be interesting to see what will come next Thanksgiving.

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    • Gee, Thanks!

      Posted at 2:07 pm by kayewer, on November 20, 2022

      We are now officially four days away from the start of the chaotic end of the year. Everything from the day after Thanksgiving/Black Friday and the second day of January is all about consumerism, commuting and mental confusion.

      Black Friday is known as the day when everybody shops, so retail goes “into the black” on the profit charts. Many major retail stores gave up on the idea of opening on Thanksgiving Day and are back to throwing open the doors Friday morning with–if supply issues don’t get in the way–bargains galore for people who think they will get all their holiday shopping done in one day, in advance, and have time to relax. It never works out that way.

      For one thing, who knows people’s sizes? And what do you get the man who has everything? Or the teenager who has money to buy everything for themselves? There is always gift cards.

      The deliveries, repackaging and mailing of presents, in the meantime, goes on for weeks, and it even bleeds over into the days after the holidays when the late packages manage to find their way home. The postal service is probably the happiest to be in the black of anybody. It is the season for cards and colorful envelopes and stamps themed for religious or non-denominational joy.

      Since this is the first Thanksgiving in two years to be considered fully back to normal, millions of people plan to travel to visit relatives this year. This usually means flying or driving, though some people take trains. I have never had to travel for the holiday, so I don’t know if it goes well. I suppose it’s easier to bring a homemade pie on a train than a plane. In fact, it’s probably illegal on a plane, simply because the airlines probably starve the flight crew. The best Thanksgivings we had involved a ten-minute drive with an ice cream cake and a calendar for our host; it was an annual tradition that ended two years ago when the host went to live in a facility closer to family.

      Whether you celebrate one, two or more, or none of the upcoming December holidays, you can’t help but become involved in the amazing display of madness going on as people attempt to take on too much before the end of the year. The best part of the start of the holiday season is knowing it, too, will end on schedule on January 2.

      For that, we can all be thankful.

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    • Step on a Bucket

      Posted at 4:29 pm by kayewer, on November 12, 2022

      Today I’m going to pretend that I’m a patron at the movie theater who is not like me at all:

      “Wow, I’m at the movies, and my boyfriend is paying for everything; the ticket, the big bucket of popcorn, and the extra large soda which will be my dinner for tonight. If my sidepiece passed an infection on to me when we grabbed some whoopie the other night, I can just pay it forward when my main squeeze and I get it on later.

      “I’ll just wipe my buttery hands all over the armrests; heck, they have people to clean these, right? Oops, spilled the rest of my soda. Oh well, the ice cubes will melt. I’m sure not picking up the lid and the straw. They touched the floor!

      “Movie is over already? I’ll just drop the popcorn bucket on the floor, too. It doesn’t look cool to walk out of the movie theater with an empty container. Besides, I may get checked out by somebody who will become my third piece.

      “Oh, those 3D glasses? I can just drop them and somebody else will pick them up.”

      I know this actually happened, because the people sitting next to me in the theater left their food items strewn about, and that includes leaving a soda cup in the cup holder, which annoys me. In second place is other food containers crammed in to fit the cup holder. I nearly stepped on the popcorn bucket. I saw at least three pairs of 3D glasses on the floors in the middle of or against walls, when several bins specifically for them were available on the way out of the auditorium.

      It is this type of irresponsibility that causes clutter and possible hazards such as tripping or sliding. Just because a movie theater is dark, doesn’t mean people should behave with impunity and allow others to suffer the side effects of ignorance or entitlement.

      The short films that tell you to look for the exits and turn off your devices have neglected the part about taking trash with you, but that does not mean you may dump your disposables anyplace.

      My idea of the perfect petty revenge would be to obtain DNA samples from those discarded items, trace them to their owners, transport them to said owners’ properties and place them prominently at their front doors with huge signs reading “You forgot these at the AMC Downtown Pedunk.”

      My idea of misdemeanor punishment is having somebody stand on a busy public street holding empty food containers, since this seems to be the most abhorrent thing ever to most folks. I don’t get it, but maybe they might.

      It’s better than getting a disease from your sidepiece.

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    • After Hours “A”

      Posted at 4:37 pm by kayewer, on November 5, 2022

      The idea behind curfews and noise ordinances is that life is better when some activities are not done in some places at certain times of the day or evening. Once bedtime approaches, people are expected to not make excessive noise, for example.

      Somebody in my neighborhood didn’t get the memo. Early this morning, at an unknown hour because I black out the LED on my alarm clock, somebody blasted radio music from their car. Not once, but twice.

      It’s understandable that some people work the night shift and may need some stimulus to remain awake while doing their jobs or returning home, but those should be private when the block is dark and people are trying to sleep. It’s hard enough to sleep with politics, international tensions and the economy (not to mention alcohol or late running sports events), so why would somebody broadcast their music preferences–good or bad–at some ungodly hour and awaken the whole neighborhood?

      Perhaps they are hard of hearing. Perhaps they are not empathetic to others’ comfort zone being violated. Maybe they don’t like having to work at night and prefer bringing the world down with them or getting fired to quitting.

      The popular social media question is if a person would be considered an alimentary canal for doing a particular thing, also known as “AITA.” In this case, yes they are.

      When the world is trying to sleep, it is proper to keep noise to a minimum and manners in check. This is why bars encourage designated drivers to reign in their overzealous drinking friends, and why music has a cut-off time.

      I’m not sure if I want to find out who the person is, carousing about at such a time and waking us all up.

      If you like to do late night stakeouts, let me know.

      Better yet, don’t; I won’t be able to sleep.

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