First of all, I want to congratulate all the high school and college students who have completed their studies and are on their way to meet the world. Whether you worked hard or not, the diplomas will be in your hands, and you will now set out to prove yourselves worthy of recognition.
If social media is any indicator of what you have learned, I’m wondering about the future.
A popular post from an individual stated that their preferred partner should be rich enough to take them both on a trip to “Due By.” There are a few things wrong with what is obviously a grammatical gaffe. First, it’s apparent that students aren’t learning geography. In my day, Social Studies was beginning to suffer, as evidenced by my teacher asking us to point out Vietnam on a map (this was back in the 1970s when the conflict there was still a topic) and getting no responses. This particular misspelled place is Dubai in the United Arab Emirates, and has become symbolic of that region’s overabundance of wealth because of its luxury tourist attractions and living standards. It’s been in the news, so the correct spelling is out there. Second, if you are marrying just for luxury trips, your own living standards may be a bit skewed. Third, once you’ve spent the money for that Dubai excursion, you still come home to, well, a home. It requires taxes to be paid, interiors and exteriors to be up-kept, and you need money for food, clothing, and all the basics of life outside sipping cocktails in a place you haven’t even learned to spell.
Another post was captioned, “Selfie with the Statue of Liberty.” The woman in the shot is looking cute as her phone is pointed up at Lady Liberty, which has apparently morphed into a lattice structure in Paris: she was in front of the Eiffel Tower. Another post mentioned a negative aspect of America and added that they were glad they were in the United States. So we’re not in the same country anymore.
Let’s check the temperature. One social media post read, “It’s like ten the grease outside.” I don’t know when grease temperature became a weather thing, but he probably meant “degrees.”
Somebody wanted to double their cookie recipe, but could not figure out how to set the oven temperature from 400 to 800 degrees. Or should I say the grease? If you recall an earlier column, maybe this is the perfect candidate for the Tovala oven. This boo-boo ties in with the person who tried to imagine what it would be like to be pregnant with twins for eighteen months (nine months per baby).
Finally, to end this torment, let’s look at a suggestion from another person who apparently missed out on an important facet of the school experience: they were wondering if there was a kind of book subscription service to allow you to borrow and then return books. Folks, this person never visited a LIBRARY!?!?
But yes, you have the diploma. Now go out there and see what life is like in Due By.
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