I’m a romantic type, but it can be a lonely pursuit. Let’s face the fact that love isn’t what it used to be. Actually it’s more confusing and dangerous now than ever. In the good old days, people married for love, but some did it out of urgency (think shotgun weddings) or convenience (same, without the weaponry), and managed to tolerate the idea. Sometimes people would fall in love at last that way. How we treat each other is a big part on how we find friendship, companionship or love.
Now it can be dangerous not only to fall in love but to break up. People with more than one divorce are not a rarity, and neither are people in jail for injuring, or even killing, somebody with whom they broke up. If there are billions of people on this planet, surely there are a handful who may be a mate for somebody, so one divorce or breakup–or two– should not mean the end of the world.
Some of us out there are perpetually single, like me, with no reason or solution in sight. While watching the parade of friends who are either married for decades or going through ex-husband number whatever, I bear witness to the melodrama without the benefit of experience. On reality shows I see some people who, on a simply superficial level, might not be considered good candidates for finding love, yet they do. People who are considered beautiful have no problem.
So what’s my problem? I may never know. Even while we are integrating people on the fringes of society into the massive flock of the world population, some folks are still outliers. I’m glad to have lived to see society taking a closer look at what makes us who we are, and how silly it can be to complain about people minding their own business with whom they love, as long as it’s not truly criminal or harmful. I’m glad to see bullying being addressed and acted upon. It’s also good that we punish the behavior to get better people out of those who make mistakes. We can admit when the wrong people have been sent to prison, and stand up when somebody fails to exercise common sense, rescuing the beaten and downtrodden.
We still have miles to go on the social journey to a better understanding of love and responsibility. We are all flawed, even to a tiny degree, so we should be able to discuss the bad parts of ourselves and laud the good parts. Instead of taking down a statue, make sure the placard describes the flaws as well as the good deeds. History should tell the truth, as our present should.
When it comes to helping people find friendship, companionship or love, it helps to know where the flaws lie. Sometimes the smallest of changes can bring a lifetime of satisfaction. We tend to clam up when it comes to what is wrong with us. We would rather whisper in gossip groups than face somebody with what could help them become stronger. That’s something we could all work on. I will consider myself a work in progress until I die, no matter with whom I share it or if I go alone.
So another Valentine’s Day will go through its cycle of candy and flowers and such for a lot of people. Have some for me.
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