Santa, we have to talk. I know you will be handling a Christmas like no other this year, so I’m not asking for any presents. Maybe I can bank my good girl points for next year. Meanwhile, maybe you can use your Santa Clout to work a few miracles for 2021, once you’ve recovered from your toy run.
We are getting a new president in just a few more weeks. The one we have right now is eerily quiet, and after four years of daily grumbles by him, it worries me. Can you find something to keep him occupied outside the White House until the swearing in? That way the security detail can simply pack up his belongings and take them to wherever he plans to go after the swearing-in is done and/or he stops swearing, whichever comes first. Maybe he’d enjoy woodworking or bird watching or something.
Can you talk to the ad agencies and composers and persuade them to stop using string ensembles–violins, cellos and such–for movies, drama series and commercials? I have heard strings used ever since it was tried in Avengers: Infinity War, and now it’s on the Hulu commercial so much, that I feel like it’s an endless litany of bad elevator music, and I’m trapped on a trip up to the 200th floor. I can even quote Chris Rock’s Fargo character Loy Cannon from that ad: “We’re on the ride now, and we can’t get off ’til the roller coaster stops.” I’m getting jaded and dizzy from that ride, Santa. Please make them stop with strings and move to some nice woodwinds or vocals instead.
Could you change the laws in Nigeria so that every person who can legitimately claim they have inherited money, they can actually just go to the bank and get it? We have folks around here who have trouble getting their deposits back against helping out across the miles with such ventures, so we’d all do better if people just had to handle their own money within their own borders.
I’ve been trying to recycle, but I’ve found that most of the plastics I come in contact with are not the kind my county processes (they do #1 and #2, and most of what I get in the store is #5). I’m thinking maybe the detergent manufacturers could come up with a way to refill those bottles and not have to put them into a landfill. Also, cardboard can be recycled, so we should go more with that. Also, food needs to be more sizable for one or two people. I ate spaghetti for five days straight once; it tasted good every time, but it loses some of the enjoyment after two in a row.
I’d like Taco Bell to understand that, when I ask for one or two packets of sauce, I don’t mean twelve.
I would like Microsoft to understand that games are supposed to be winnable without pulling one’s hair out. Facebook’s games should not require money to win or play better. When games stop being fun, I feel sad.
Almost done, really. I swear.
Sometime between now and the end of the year, I want to sit down and spend just a few hours doing arts and crafts. I’ve bought kits all year but haven’t had a chance to do anything with them.
Overall, Santa, I’m hoping for a 2021 in which at least ninety percent of the world gets inoculated, so we will all be immune and maybe by spring we can start seeing a more normal universe. I want to take a vacation and not worry about social distancing or piling on hand sanitizer. Mask wearing may be a requirement for a few more months, but maybe it won’t seem to burdensome to people by then if we have hopes of an end.
And by the way, I’m glad you and Mrs. Claus made it through 2020 without gaining 20 pounds. I gained one, but that’s because I can’t give up my favorite ice cream. If you feel guilty about not leaving something under my tree, pop a quart in the freezer for me. Thanks.
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