Everybody seems to post videos. Cameras are on every cell phone, and the manufacturers seem to focus (pun intended) on the camera quality more than the actual phone service these days. You can shoot high quality footage from your cell phone at night, but you might miss a call.
My dumb phone (a smart phone without a data plan) shoots good video, but it takes up battery life, so I splurged and bought one of those new “pro to go” video cameras. I figured I’m anybody, so I can do it.
The first challenge was getting it out of the package.
This is an age of extreme packaging, in which the amount of cardboard, plastic and interior filling is so cosmetically precise that even one scratch on the box is visible. This makes it hard to try to repackage anything, so one must commit to a purchase as if it were a tattoo. Or maybe a marriage.
Once I got the item home, I realized that unpacking this item would be rather like a honeymoon. The part in which one strips one’s partner. Only this was in the living room, not the bedroom, and I was not planning a naughty video shoot.
The camera itself was housed in a hard plastic display atop a box. There were no pull tabs or other opening instructions, so I dutifully went on everybody’s favorite video resource (rhymes with “Boo Lube”) and keyed in the product name and “unboxing instructions.” Sure enough, a video on how to remove the thing from its box was posted.
To what depths have we descended that we need video instructions to unbox a product? And to add to the groan factor, the manual is also exclusively online if you don’t have the app (again, dumb phone owners). This is probably to make up for the countless numbers of people who pitch the instructions along with the store bag or wrapping paper, with the confidence of being able to figure it out on the fly, then fruitlessly seek to find a manual elsewhere when nothing works as intended.
What was in the package was a folded sheet of stickers, even though the product was not seemingly designed for children, who tend to like stickers. Also inside was a booklet of product warnings related to electronics and their related injurious factors, written in about a dozen languages. And there was a “quick start guide” which is in visual language with no further details. The sales associate at the store grumbled about visual language and yearned for the days of actual wordings, too.
For some reason, I don’t feel like throwing those papers out.
I found the plastic housing makes great storage for the accessories, which include two surface mounts: one flat and one curved for a helmet. Apparently this product is designed primarily for people who film their adventures on apparatus which require helmets. I’m past that phase of my life, but I could possibly mount the camera on my toaster to film food videos.
My first footage was of my banana bread, which I hurriedly made early this morning after the second of my two ripe bananas lost its stem and risked browning in the July heat if I didn’t do something with it. Since I had considered the idea of making a video for the aforementioned video channel’s “day in the life” project, I decided it was the perfect start to the day’s filming. The heck with talking about me; let’s bake bread!
First, I had to mount the gizmo on its tripod, find the power button, then quickly learn how to start filming, keeping in mind that using a higher resolution could shorten my battery life. Meanwhile, the oven was preheating, and my ingredients awaited my skilled application from their positions in three bowls. I managed to do the film, and though I’m no Giada or Martha, I think if the Boo Lube channel wants real life without the frills, they’ll get it.
My next video should probably be a commentary on packaging.
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