My Saturday newspapers were stolen over the holidays. Every week I get two newspapers, and on the weekends I have three because I add the New York Times for their book review and magazine (not to mention the city entertainment scene). After having an opportunity to sleep in on weekends, it was disheartening to awaken to find the bundle of my Inquirer and NYT encased in a blue plastic bag was not being held up by the dry needle bed of the front lawn in winter. The local paper, mercifully, remained untouched in another location.
I had some suspicions, but no evidence or suspects. One thing I did know: whomever was lifting my papers probably did not want the whole thing, which made the theft even more of a tragedy. I can’t picture somebody saying to themselves, “I think I’ll read the rest of these papers after I go through the book review.” I imagined somebody pilfering the coupons or the Sunday ads and ditching the rest, not even bothering to read the exploits of BC or Beetle Bailey. Did they take the papers home, I wonder?
Two things I resolved to do right away: replace the missing papers myself, and not complain to the paper’s offices, because my carrier is a nice person who doesn’t deserve to have to deal with petty theft. I think I’m the only person on the block who gets actual papers delivered these days anyway, so the time of the paid paper flingers may well be going away, and I don’t want to put people out of work.
I did get helpful advice when I posted on social media, and from an unexpected source: an ex boyfriend suggested waking up early to confront the pilferer. The thought came and went just as quickly, because our neighborhood recently experienced a killing over a tip jar, and who wants to read about somebody getting hurt over a newspaper delivery. I chose to patiently wait it out and see what this weekend brought.
The paper was waiting for me. So Shirley Holmes has deduced that the two weekend thefts were likely caused by a holiday visitor who decided to make themselves at home by raiding other people’s properties. I just hope they didn’t take the papers home and try to convince their hosts that they were out buying them at the quick mart or “sebben lebben” as some local humorists call it. What a shame that somebody would think that way, but at least I’m guessing the problem is now over, and the person responsible is back at home raiding his usual haunts for his reading material or coupons.
They could’ve at least left the book review and the comics.
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