We control nothing. Those are three words I say a lot lately, and it’s really true. For all our efforts to reign in our environment and ourselves, none of it can truly be tethered to a singular idea or truth.
Let’s take something simple such as a river: the saying is that you never step in the same spot twice, because the water is constantly moving. So what about the rocks, you say? They are moving as the earth is moving (the ground under us, that is to say). We don’t see it, but it’s happening. You can capture a bit of the river in a jar, but even those contents are not inert, so it is not controlled but merely contained. If the jar is shaken or broken, you would see how uncontrolled it is.
So what does this have to do with anything? Well, this past week somebody mailed pipe bombs around the country, apparently with the idea that if certain public figures who thought counter to their own ideas were killed, their personal agenda would be strengthened because fewer people would be arguing against what they believed. The problem is that killing somebody does not control them; they can no longer be convinced to think as you think, and therefore you have controlled nothing. Also you have lost. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if gang violence could be ended with this type of philosophy?
Natural events such as fires are often demonstrated to the public during Fire Prevention Week, using what is called a “controlled fire.” It really isn’t. Fire is random and chaotic, so you can only produce it and then–hopefully–put it out again. That is not control. It’s luck.
For years we have raised generations of people who have been injured physically and mentally by abuse, and recently church officials have been called out for inappropriate behavior with children. The problem is that we turn away from the truth for years, and suddenly decide to become indignant about it after the damage is done. What we might have done is try to anticipate human behavior and look into ways to prevent improper actions from becoming real problems. The horror needs to be stopped before it happens.
So how do we control human behavior? Maybe we don’t. Sexual abuse and bullying have been around for ages, just as LBGTQ behavior has. Just because we haven’t dealt with it, doesn’t mean it has not been there. So now we have people who try to control others by saying they have no right to be who they are. Going back to how we started: we control nothing. Nobody can tell a gay person not to be gay, and no bully should be able to tell somebody they are of less worth just because of prejudice, fear or ignorance. Unfortunately this may also mean we cannot control deviant behavior. But we might redirect it into something less harmful.
We are so busy calling out people for saying things and asking questions and acting on impulse, but when we respond with a “villagers with torches” attitude we will get nowhere. We have to understand, address and act, or we will find ourselves, collectively, as humans out of control. We need to start thinking about the long-term effects of what we do and how we behave.
You may not be able to control the sheep in the meadow, but if you try, you can contain them and still give them the freedom to be sheep. We’re complaining too much and not looking at alternatives enough.
We also need to redirect ourselves into productive behaviors. We often call it self control, but really it’s just common sense. Stop and remember that we control nothing, but we do understand ourselves and can make better choices. And nobody gets hurt.
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