Within 24 hours of each other, two articles appeared in the newspaper, both about our elimination habits. Who would have imagined such a coincidence? It drew my attention at once, because I recalled an incident from a long time ago when a group of friends and I were out on a Friday night, and one of our group decided to “take the stance” in front of a police cruiser to, in his mind, show some joking distaste for The Man. He didn’t actually do anything else, just struck that familiar pose, but the officer was not happy about it.
So it’s some time later, and we still have issues with how we go.
The first article was from the May 3rd “Dear Abby” syndicated column, in which a wife identifying herself as “Tempted in California” complained that, after she and her spouse moved to the country, he has taken to the habit of urinating in the woods by their home. He does not do it if there is a danger of being spotted, and never when anybody else is around, but she wondered if she should join him. Abby leaned toward discouraging that idea, and brought up a popular column from 20 years ago from “The Whiz-zard’s Wife,” whose spouse also tinkled outdoors. That column generated a response from actor and gun activist Charlton Heston, who confirmed that all men are outdoor urinators.
If the manly man who played Ben-Hur and Moses said it’s okay, I guess it’s okay. We women still have trouble doing it, which probably adds to the enjoyment of it for men; they hold their one up to symbolize their one-upmanship.
Then I parry by bringing up the “All in the Family” chair challenge (more on that later).
The second article detailed the discovery that a school superintendent in the Holmdel, NJ Kenilworth school district had allegedly been doing number two on the school athletic field on a regular basis. After at least eight instances of track and field participants finding human poo on the field, a camera supposedly caught Thomas Tramaglini in the act, and he has been suspended. This is a man who did an impressive running of the New York Marathon in 2010, so the subject of something called runner’s diarrhea has come up as a possible cause of the problem, but experts have–excuse the pun– already poo-pooed that idea. So Tramaglini may face lewdness and littering charges which could put a dent in a job which pays about $148,000 a year. With that kind of salary, he could build a private portable potty for the field (or twenty).
Anyway, back to the chair challenge: on an episode of the famous sitcom, daughter Gloria (Sally Struthers) challenged her father Archie (Carroll O’Connor) to stand against a wall, take three steps backward, then place a chair in front of him, bend over with his head against the wall and straighten up while holding up the chair. Men can’t do that. Women can. Perfect revenge for us girls not being able to pee in front.
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