Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Monthly Archives: May 2018

    • Snippets

      Posted at 1:50 am by kayewer, on May 27, 2018

      I had such a scattered week, that I decided this week to just post some random tidbits about it. Websites like AOL and MSN do it all the time, so why not me?

      Today I discovered the little locking thingy on the toilet seat which, if engaged properly, stops the seat from shimmying around.

      The other day I read about a fellow whose girlfriend saw a bluish star in the sky, pointed to it and asked earnestly, “Is that Earth?”

      This past week we saw proof that the English language has too many words with more than one definition, and it can cause people some inconvenience. A mother wanted a cake for her son, who graduated with high honors from college. Anxious to spread the word around during his party, she asked for the Latin term to be put on the cake when she ordered it from Publix food market. When the cake was delivered, it read “Summa – – – Laude” because the computer filter in their bakery order department removed the word “cum” as being an obscene term for a certain male bodily fluid rather than the word for “with.”

      I don’t want to go too soon into more discussion of the recent mass school shooting, but a student mentioned that a coach told the shooter-to-be once, in so many words, that he had extreme body odor. He would have done better to offer the use of the gym showers. Teachers should not assume that all kids who stink are choosing to do so: maybe the parents could not–or would not–pay the bills and the water was shut off. Maybe a parent, like some of the ones with multiple kids found in “houses of horror,” forbade the children to shower. Just saying.

      When folks use a website’s “Contact Us” feature and start their email with “You guys suck,” my experience has shown that nine times out of ten the problem was theirs, not the website’s.

      If the networks are going to end May sweeps two weeks early, they should start the seasonal replacements two weeks early. Just saying.

      After writing to my broadband provider four times with no response, I have come to the sad conclusion that they do not care. If you want to know who they are, drop me a line and I’ll tell you, so you can decide if you also want to jump ship or lodge your own complaint. What does it take to write a reply to a question? Apparently too much effort.

      “Survivor” tried to pull a fast one by not revealing the winner of “Ghost Island” at 10:00. Sorry, Probst: I fell asleep this time. Make it 10:00 or I won’t make it.

      Probably the best commercial I’ve seen in a long while is Santander’s “Piggy” ad featuring a living porcine vessel which finds its way home. The fridge can wait when it’s on the air.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W27bN29GFhs

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    • A Sea Story

      Posted at 2:40 am by kayewer, on May 20, 2018

      I have a coworker I’ll call DeeCee here, who can tell very interesting stories. I made an animated video from one of her tales, and I’d like to share another.

      DeeCee had been trying to enjoy cruises with her husband, but she came down with terrible seasickness on every attempt. No over-the-counter pills or pressure bands or other gadgets she tried seemed to work. Within a short time after boarding the vessel, she was down for the duration, in her bunk, sick as a sea dog. Once she barely made it to the single restroom available when the urge struck in a public area of the ship, and she was almost immediately followed by an anonymous little girl desperate for a place to toss her cookies. They ended up pairs hurling, with DeeCee holding the girl’s hair back while the kid got sick in the sink.

      On another attempt prior to even leaving port, the captain informed the passengers that they would be sailing into rough seas and warned folks to get any medications they might need from the ship’s doctor right away, which she did, to no avail. She felt it was hopeless, since even the best of the ship’s doctors’ ideas failed.

      It was during a casual land encounter with a seafarer in which she mentioned her seasickness, to which he asked if she had been cruising on ships run on diesel.  When she replied yes, the man with all the experience of the sea (and the missing teeth and fingers to prove it) said simply that she was allergic to diesel fuel.

      Of course, this means that any cruise involving a diesel powered vessel is forever out of the question, but other boats might be the key to fun few days at sea. At least she got the answer from a source in a true “duh” moment.

      You never know where you will get your best advice.

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    • No Kidding

      Posted at 1:06 am by kayewer, on May 13, 2018

      A restaurant in California called Old Fisherman’s Grotto has gone where few have dared to tread: they are asking patrons to not bring children to their establishment or risk being asked to leave.  Adding to their policy, they offer no special seats for children (boosters or high chairs), nor do they allow strollers inside. It’s posted on a special sign, saying in part, “Children crying or making loud noises are a distraction to other diners, and as such are not allowed in the dining room.”

      It’s not really a bad idea.

      In a world where inclusion is entering rather controversial territory, some may balk, but think about what we have been doing lately by trying to let everybody in everywhere.  There are some things which are exclusive because of their purpose or reputation, and some ideas would not belong there. Would one find Chuck E. Cheese officiating at Tavern on the Green? Would you find a sommelier at In-N-Out Burger? Women, would you want to queue up at a men’s restroom just because a stall or two may be standing empty amongst the urinals (at which somebody may indeed be standing)?

      There are plenty of family restaurants which would gladly allow children at any stage of emotional or behavioral development to come and have a nice meal. If it’s a family place, you expect families to go there, and you expect a few wailing babies to emerge.

      It isn’t even necessary to go into the subject of irresponsible parents, whose out of control squawkers can indeed ruin a meal anyplace and for everybody, including everybody else’s kids. I remember a restaurant experience in which a family left the table in such a mess, the cleaning crew retched.

      One note about the restaurant’s choice of signage: if this particular establishment wants to keep a quiet atmosphere, and be a refuge from rambunctious youngsters for adults (whether or not they have a tolerance for them), why not just put it in writing politely? The verbiage does come off as a bit offensive, even to parents whose kids can handle a finger bowl at age six.

      Exclusivity is not always meant to be non-inclusive, but just to be itself. Know what you are getting into before going in the door, or don’t go in.

       

       

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    • Ye Bodily Functions

      Posted at 1:47 am by kayewer, on May 6, 2018

      Within 24 hours of each other, two articles appeared in the newspaper, both about our elimination habits. Who would have imagined such a coincidence? It drew my attention at once, because I recalled an incident from a long time ago when a group of friends and I were out on a Friday night, and one of our group decided to “take the stance” in front of a police cruiser to, in his mind, show some joking distaste for The Man. He didn’t actually do anything else, just struck that familiar pose, but the officer was not happy about it.

      So it’s some time later, and we still have issues with how we go.

      The first article was from the May 3rd “Dear Abby” syndicated column, in which a wife identifying herself as “Tempted in California” complained that, after she and her spouse moved to the country, he has taken to the habit of urinating in the woods by their home. He does not do it if there is a danger of being spotted, and never when anybody else is around, but she wondered if she should join him. Abby leaned toward discouraging that idea, and brought up a popular column from 20 years ago from “The Whiz-zard’s Wife,” whose spouse also tinkled outdoors. That column generated a response from actor and gun activist Charlton Heston, who confirmed that all men are outdoor urinators.

      If the manly man who played Ben-Hur and Moses said it’s okay, I guess it’s okay. We women still have trouble doing it, which probably adds to the enjoyment of it for men; they hold their one up to symbolize their one-upmanship.

      Then I parry by bringing up the “All in the Family” chair challenge (more on that later).

      The second article detailed the discovery that a school superintendent in the Holmdel, NJ Kenilworth school district had allegedly been doing number two on the school athletic field on a regular basis.  After at least eight instances of track and field participants finding human poo on the field, a camera supposedly caught Thomas Tramaglini in the act, and he has been suspended. This is a man who did an impressive running of the New York Marathon in 2010, so the subject of something called runner’s diarrhea has come up as a possible cause of the problem, but experts have–excuse the pun– already poo-pooed that idea. So Tramaglini may face lewdness and littering charges which could put a dent in a job which pays about $148,000 a year. With that kind of salary, he could build a private portable potty for the field (or twenty).

      Anyway, back to the chair challenge: on an episode of the famous sitcom, daughter Gloria (Sally Struthers) challenged her father Archie (Carroll O’Connor) to stand against a wall, take three steps backward, then place a chair in front of him, bend over with his head against the wall and straighten up while holding up the chair. Men can’t do that. Women can. Perfect revenge for us girls not being able to pee in front.

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      Eden's avatarEden on Getting the Message
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      Eden's avatarEden on And Her Shoes Were #9
      Eden's avatarEden on The Poison Field
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