Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Monthly Archives: November 2017

    • Cheap Tricks

      Posted at 2:33 am by kayewer, on November 29, 2017

      My office includes a 24-hour operation, so the manager decided it might be fun to let the associates wrap their holiday gifts there, sparing the nearly impossible task of sending the kids off with the family while one clears home space to play Santa. As an administrative assistant, I was one of the assigned coordinators for the event: in other words, I get to do the buying.

      My first stop was the Five Below on Black Friday, which I covered previously. Upon checking my receipt, I realized there was a problem: The first attempt at ringing up my strange basket full of purchases brought the total to way higher than I had bought, so the checker worked with me to re-ring up the purchases. That meant struggling with the endless roles of wrapping paper, tissue paper and tape and bows, taking them out of those ubiquitous plastic bags. She said she had to do some of the purchases over, but did not re-ring the gift boxes. In fact, she left them off altogether. This means that I, being honest, must go back to get them redone.

      Strike one for a good brick-n-mortar shopping experience.

      My next stop was Dollar Tree (or, as a three-year-old I heard say once, “Dowah Twee”). It does have twee items. It also offered a folding knife in a gift box. I think that belongs in a Cabela’s, but that’s just me. The lines met in the corner of one vertical and one horizontal aisle. That was partly my fault, because I should have pulled the cart behind the man in the vertical aisle, but a family of four was in the connecting aisle, so I pulled up, and the other customers obediently pulled in behind me.

      It turned out okay: everybody got the equal opportunity to part with their income in order.

      A dozen more rolls of wrapping paper, tags, more boxes, more ribbon and a couple of solar dancing toys for me later, I realized that I had not learned my lesson about those unwieldy rolls. Dollar Tree uses shopping carts with a pole at a height which restricts its use to inside the store as it won’t fit through the door jamb.  The ring-up was correct, but I was now stuck with six of those re-labeled versions of the ineffective little plastic bags trying to contain oversized, rather fragile sticks of lightweight wands in the wind that I needed to gather up and take outside and across a crowded parking lot. It was a struggle, but I got them into the car and then home, and I found a nice, long bag I had saved from Boscov’s in which to stow my purchases until I get them to the office.

      I worry about the next trip. Where should I go? Do they have big shopping bags, or should I go with wrapping paper by the pre-folded packs? Not to mention that we will need scissors. Or maybe I should get a folding knife.

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    • I’ll Buy That For a Dollar

      Posted at 3:03 am by kayewer, on November 26, 2017

      I missed all the crowds and fistfights on Black Friday, because I went to a different store: I went to Five Below, where all merchandise is–you guessed it–five dollars or under. I wasn’t really shopping for myself, but before I got in the door I had bought three cat beds. So much for a spending plan.

      I was really in there to buy gift wrap for the office; one of our 24-hour departments at work decided to give the associates (read employees) a chance to wrap their holiday gifts in the assured privacy of work. We have over 100 people working various shifts, so that will mean a lot of wrapping paper, so there I was looking for dollar bargains.

      By the time I had been in the store about twenty minutes, I had taken one of their gigantic, unwieldy but serviceable blue wheeled baskets and filled it to the brim. I also got a couple of solar dancing bobbles for my office windowsill, and a holiday tree hat, and all without getting lost in the wonders of the candy aisle, where I could have been found hours later with a gut full of YanYan.

      The boss said I still needed to buy more. I know, I said: more ribbon, tape and big rolls of generic wrap, along with stuff with which to cut it. The process of concealing the identity of presents is a bigger adventure than finding the gifts themselves.

      Next stop will be another dollar store like Dollar Tree, Family Dollar or something like that. A place with no tempting aisles of YanYan.

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    • Turkey Trussed

      Posted at 3:47 am by kayewer, on November 19, 2017

      Every year I perform a ritual: the annual Black Friday Newspaper Weigh-In. I read two papers, and both of them have different ads in them, but for the Thanksgiving holiday, the soft “thunk” of the paper hitting the ground is replaced by the crash of something resembling a smaller model Dumpster. Each weighs about as much as a bowling ball.

      I feel sorry for the folks who have to stuff those monstrosities. I don’t know how it’s done, but it must resemble playing rapid-fire card games, only without winners or losers or pretty face cards. And to think that it is all done in the early morning hours by folks who then have to drive around and hurl them at residences and maybe jam them into the mail slots of multi-unit complexes. Nothing can prepare you for a newspaper that big, unless you are a grateful bird owner.

      Sometimes we get six or seven of one ad, probably because the person stuffing them had more of them than papers in which to put them. I always wonder which ads got missed. Probably the ones in which I would actually spend the most money.

      These days people are depending more on online shopping than going to an actual store, probably because stores these days look like apocalypse zones within minutes of some poor guy opening the door at 7:00 AM. I do enjoy looking at what will be going on sale, even if I’m not buying it. And I always wonder why stores seem to save up some of the most extraordinary stuff for the last month and a half of the year to put out. Plus, they always put out only twenty when they are going to have 200 shoppers vying for them.

      What I really miss about Black Friday is the unveiling of the holiday display windows. When I was a kid, the joy of looking at a festive store window was a treat, but now it is a dying art relegated to major cities like New York and only for high-end clothing in set-ups frozen in time and looking like nothing one would actually experience in the real world. GSN, the Game Show Network, actually had a contest built around window displays. They didn’t bring it back this year, probably because stores are a dying art.

      The real winners are the pharmacies like Rite-Aid, Walgreens and CVS. They have everything you don’t want to visit a department store for. Their ads are colorful. Their prices reasonable, and they carry needed items like batteries and the missed half gallon of milk. Even that can appear in a Black Friday ad, and we will actually buy it.

      I am working on Black Friday, but at least the stores will open at 7:00 AM, so I can poke my head in and see what a madhouse it is before going to work. And no, I won’t carry the paper with me: it weighs as much as a newborn.

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    • Present to Self

      Posted at 3:56 am by kayewer, on November 12, 2017

      I’m giving myself today off. I’ll be back next week, and with any luck I will have some accomplishments or good thoughts to replace the negative ones that nearly a year without a week’s vacation can cause.

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    • Holes in the Net

      Posted at 3:07 am by kayewer, on November 5, 2017

      Sometimes we keep learning the same lesson over and over again: never announce that you want something, because the minute you do, everything will get in the way of your obtaining it.

      I was planning to participate in National Novel Writing Month (also called NaNoWriMo for short), taking up the challenge to write 50,000 words during the thirty days of November. Of course there are the usual obstacles like Thanksgiving and Black Friday to contend with, but when my own equipment turns on me, maybe it’s time to quit.

      On November 1, I found out I didn’t have Internet, and that lasted two days. So I figured I could try writing at work with the guest WiFi, but my attempts to get to the office early were met by a traffic jam, and I got out of the house ten minutes late in the first place. Being somebody who doesn’t always get an assigned break and, when she does, uses it for the restroom (which is much needed at a certain age), I’ve managed to squeeze in about twenty minutes since the event started.

      So my first four days have been met by not only those problems, but no cloud access, so I can’t get to what I managed to write, and no quiet time at all for the past 96 hours that I wasn’t trying to sleep away work-related stress, eating or, shall we say, biological time. Have you ever used a portable computer on the john? Me, neither. I’m not one of those who takes phone calls in the restroom, and I certainly don’t want to play Edward Bulwer Lytton (the author of the famous opening line, “It was a dark and stormy night”) in the bathroom. Though the idea of writing a good line might be beneficial to my digestive system.

      So what does one do when you’re supposed to have written over 6,000 words already, and you’ve got about 300? Thank God for every word one gets put down somewhere that it can be counted, and cuss through the whole process.

      Kids don’t know how easy they have it when they want something. Somebody usually does it for them, like buying that hot toy for the holidays. Then when childhood ends, we end up chasing a carrot called dreams on an impossibly long stick. We chase it until death makes it unnecessary. Giving up is not an option. Failure means at least I wrote something, but not enough.

      The day still has 24 hours in it (and this night we get 25 because daylight saving ends), but why does it seem we have less time than ever to do what we want?

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