Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Monthly Archives: April 2017

    • Put Your Phone Into the Wild Blue Yondr

      Posted at 1:49 am by kayewer, on April 23, 2017

      Visitors to the courthouse (known as the Juanita Kidd Stout Center for Criminal Justice) in Philadelphia are rebelling against a policy which requires them to secure their cell phones in an inaccessible bag while court is in session. The idea is to put a stop to unnecessary and potentially case-affecting device use. People will suffer through sitting in a smoke-free zone, but apparently not through a phone-free zone.

      Courtroom guests have been reported to have set the secure pouches, a product of a company called Yondr, on fire. They have hacked them open with sharp objects and thrown them out in a show of contempt. They would rather do that than have the device freed of its pouch so it can be taken off the property for use.

      Those who don’t have to secure their devices, such as attorneys and other employees, are grumbling about having to show ID before being allowed to shun the bag of doom.

      If you tried to convince yourself that our society is not a bunch of overgrown three-year-olds, stop trying.

      Pictures of witnesses and other courtroom personnel have been taken and used as fodder for social media threats and witness intimidation. The sanctity of the courtroom and our justice system are being intimidated by dumbbells playing the “I have my rights” card for the wrong card game.

      Of course I’m speaking from a neanderthal point of view, since I have yet to figure out how to use a cellphone camera. They’re not really that good, anyway. However, if one cannot be without what is essentially a toy disguised as a mobile safety tool for a few hours, we must truly be a society of cyber junkies with no hope of redemption.

      http://www.philly.com/philly/news/crime/Some-find-ways-to-defeat-Phila-courts-new-locking-cellphone-pouch.html

       

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    • You Haven’t Lived Until

      Posted at 1:42 am by kayewer, on April 16, 2017

      This morning my mother and I watched the miracle of birth on a live feed from YouTube. After a month of anxious anticipation, April the giraffe from the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, NY finally delivered her fourth calf. An audience of over one million viewers watched with a camera’s eye view sponsored by the home of a trademark cartoon giraffe mascot, Toys”R”Us. Who would have thought that such an event would happen while the greatest generation could see it?

      The expectation was enough to bring major newscasts to cover the event. That made a great break from international scandal and politics. Babies wait for nobody. In April’s case, they bide their time.

      Births in the wild are usually relegated to documentaries on television, but April has become a sponsor for her species, as the park’s website notes a 40% decline of giraffes in the wild. Breeding in controlled environments and gene pool management will help preserve them and other animals. In the (hopefully near) future when we decide to set aside natural habitats for wildlife safe from poaching, populations may rebound.

      While humans have obstetricians to catch babies upon arrival, giraffes give birth standing up, with the front hooves and snout arriving first; a newborn dangles for a spell from the birth canal and then plummets to the ground. Talk about hitting the ground running. The calf attempted to stand within fifteen minutes of birth and was soon wobbling around following mama. My mama and I watched, fascinated. For her it was a first, but I hope to see other miraculous events in my remaining lifetime.

      Really, we should have more of these kinds of stories. People will always have conflict, but nature continues on its way in its own time, and if we’re smart, we pause to enjoy it.

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    • Gone From Suck to Blowhard

      Posted at 2:04 am by kayewer, on April 9, 2017

      Every once in a while a customer complains by sending an email and really gets into the invective. Why anybody would want to be on permanent record showing their liberal use of F-bombs and/or (in)ability to communicate a difficulty effectively, is beyond me.

      This person said that we ****ing suck (that is what was referred to in the classic movie A Christmas Story as the “F-dash-dash-dash word”) because said customer has the same problem every year and we need to fix it for them. Immediately when I looked at what the situation was, I knew what was going on. First of all, the problem was due to being in the wrong place to do what they wanted to do. Second, they were apparently not trying to get out of the wrong place, which is like doing something again and again hoping for a different outcome.

      There is also the third thing; that nobody should get angry enough for more than one year and not ask the obvious question: “Is there something else I need to know so I don’t have this problem again the next time?”

      So it boiled down to explaining how to get out of the wrong place, which I did.

      What I keep wondering is, why would anybody want to perform a sex act and be terrible at doing something else simultaneously. What I mean is, if somebody says so-and-so is the “****ing best race car driver in the world,” doesn’t that mean that they are engaged in sex while being the best driver? If a meal tastes “****ing great,” I never see it doing the nasty while it is in the act of being delicious.

      So liberal use of the F-dash-dash-dash word doesn’t always get the point across any better than simply saying something like, “In my opinion, you are an ineffective so-and-so because I am having a problem I didn’t decide to tell you about until now.”

      We should say what we mean and stay cool doing it.

       

       

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    • Happy April

      Posted at 1:30 am by kayewer, on April 2, 2017

      I am not April fooling today, though I could. Just walking through a store today was enough to convince me that we conduct ourselves like April fools 364 days a year, so this should instead be our day off.

      I think I know what is happening to shopping in live stores: we can’t stand each other anymore. Now that any type of manners or decorum, or just plain common sense, has gone out the window, public shopping has become a parade of the absurd. The upper class don’t want to be talked up to, the middle class are trying to hold together what prevents them from sliding down into poverty and avoid talking altogether, and the lower class doesn’t want to be talked down to. This is why we bury our noses in our phones to avoid contact of any kind that might break the bubble of tenuous self-secure righteous pseudo-normalcy.

      People shop wearing pajama bottoms, begging the question of whether they have underwear on. People shop wearing no undergarments at all, and it is obvious. People shop looking like they just came from a week at a survival camp. The children are smelly, sullen and indifferent. The senior citizens are ignored as if they are the wretched scum of the earth. Those in the middle–the 20- and 30-somethings–cling to shopping carts as if they are the only means to stay upright, the men looking like they’re on a death march and the women like prisoners in a work detail.

      And yes, everybody still hates waiting in checkout lines. Instead of clerks in cattle chutes, maybe we should have checkout in each department, at a self-serve kiosk overseen by a human intervention assistant should things go wrong.  Scan your item, pay for it, bag it (and have some way to seal it against padding the purchase later), and you’re on your way. The only time one would have to see an employee is to complain, which is usually what is done anyway.

      Probably none of the people I saw shopping today even looked up more than a second when they voted last November, either. But that’s a subject I’m not going into today. That would be foolish.

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