The mall Santa was having a stimulating conversation with the mall cop, and holiday tunes were tucked between songs from artists few over 30 can appreciate. This was the face of holiday shopping eight days before Black Friday. For some stores, Black Friday has already been going on since Chartreuse Monday two weeks ago, or something like that.
It’s the two months out of every year when life falls into chaos. And we added a presidential election to it. No wonder everybody is going insane.
There are some things about the holidays which we should, in the words of Shark Tank guru Kevin O’Leary, take behind the barn and shoot, because all the years of repetition in the world can’t save them from being unnecessary and bad for the human spirit.
First is bringing Santa to the malls anytime before, say, the Saturday before Thanksgiving. It’s so disconcerting to see clearance items from Halloween with candy cane footprints glued to the walkways leading to the poor guy in the red suit, who has to spend extra weeks away from his workshop to meet with kids who haven’t even gotten over their candy high yet. It’s not as if we have to wait six weeks for the photos with Santa: now they’re printed on site and cost a week’s pay (those of you who remember “Santa and Me” photos know what I mean). Also, the road to Santa is now paved with commercial tie-ins and elaborate settings which overwhelm the kids and parents while the queue grows by tens every second. Whatever happened to a small plot of mall space with a big throne and the man sitting there in full view of all? I miss those days.
The next thing that should go is the annual gag gift of the year. You know the one; it costs $19.95 and is usually designed to make grumpy guys laugh and their friends break it during an inebriated evening watching football.
Finally, festive food packaging has to go. For about six weeks out of the year, every item in the grocery store has a candy cane, a snowbank or snowflakes or shiny outer wrappings and a higher price tag. I don’t think any of us parade our holiday packaged stuff in front of the guests before setting them on a festive platter.
If these things have to continue, they should wait a bit before they materialize. Some of us just aren’t ready, like that mall Santa with no guests. That’s just sad.
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