Last time we talked about how inhuman we are, so here is a continuation of that thought. It won’t be liked by everybody, but ideas that stir thought rarely are.
So you’re having a baby (or two) and it’s time to think about names. If you’re the father and have been reluctant to marry the mother of the bearer of your genetic future on this planet, be sure to complain about it all the time. Both of you should look to the family trees or your favorite sitcom or celebrity, and come up with a name which will be hard to spell or pronounce, or which can be turned against your child by bullies. If spelling has never been your strong point, don’t bother looking it up: just wing it on the birth certificate.
When your child is growing, make sure they see everything that happens on this planet, from G to NC-17. Don’t bother hiding anything from your child, including domestic disputes and unhealthy habits. Impose your strange habits on your child, especially if it will guarantee that they cannot integrate with anybody outside your home.
Throw discipline out the window and let your child be a barbarian in public. If you’re miserable, project that misery onto your child so they never smile, either. If you were raised in an abusive household, be sure to pass that down to the next generation so nobody else gets away with not being wretched.
As your child learns to talk, encourage obnoxious behavior or teach them to cower before your authority, or make sure they know how to beat the living daylights out of anybody who disses them; depending on how you know you are, you’ll recognize which of the above is right for how you raise your child.
Raise a son to be a macho womanizer. Raise a girl to be a privileged princess or a submissive wimp. Remember that only the freaks on the other sides of the normal curve will make a history for themselves worth remembering. If that history puts them in prison or in some other danger, that’s not your problem.
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