After four decades of watching movies, I finally saw one that I can honestly say was the most disappointing ever. If it’s taken this long to see a movie that bad, I feel either truly blessed or amazingly tolerant of cinematic garbage, because the best movie critics have lists of bad movies miles long, and I have only two. Sure, there are bad movies on the list, but only the worst of the worst deserve to be on a list of two.
The only movie I ever walked out of was “Altered States,” the William Hurt movie about isolation tanks and strange otherworldly dreams and such. I did see it through years later, but it still didn’t impress me.
Last week I went with a friend to see “Snowpiercer,” the Joon-ho Bong directed thriller set aboard a train travelling through a post-apocalyptic sub-zero world, with a rear car filled with rebellious lower class survivors attempting to win access to the privileges of the rich at the engine. The Asian inspired imagery and dark theme were interesting, but I didn’t grip my seat rest. In today’s vernacular, I’d rate it a “meh.”
Out of curiosity, I rented and watched “Argento’s Dracula” (“Dracula 3D”), a project by a well-known director of horror films. It was done so horribly that it will take me days to construct a review, and has prompted me to return to an old website of mine and post the said review when completed. I guess you know I really feel strongly about this project.
The difficulties of being a movie reviewer become apparent when one is compelled to sit through an entire bad film to find out if there is anything–maybe a decent ending–to add some positivity to the process of discussing it. I’m sure critics like the blessed, late Roger Ebert would have liked to spend their time watching better films than some of the celluloid denizens from the seventh sub-basement of hell they had to endure for the sake of warning others away.
Don’t bother renting “Argento’s Dracula” unless you are a fan of the director or its stars and want them to get some coffee and donut money from the distributor. As for me, I’ll rent something with a bit more bite for my buck and hope it gets better from here.
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