Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Monthly Archives: March 2013

    • April Tools Day

      Posted at 2:22 am by kayewer, on March 31, 2013

      We have come to the end of March at last.  I thought it would never get here.  It was a slow month for me, and I think a lot of other people might agree.  We got so impatient for spring to start, some folks were talking mutiny against Punxsutawney Phil–the early spring predicting groundhog–just because it snowed after the first day of spring.  We’ve seen snow in April; I remember one notorious day in May in which temps dipped into the single digits and the wind chill killed every living thing in its prime.  Nature throws rodents a curve, too, so don’t blame the messenger (in fact, Phil’s owner now claims he misread the little rascal’s cues and blames himself for the premature prognostication).

      When April comes, tax day isn’t far behind, and this year it falls on Monday. Folks who hate Monday to begin with will really have something to gripe about, especially if they’re filing at the last minute.

      April also puts us through the first third of the year, and some of us aren’t ready for the year to be one third over already.  There are still spring cleaning days ahead, plans for graduations and weddings and Mother’s Day (just another month away).  Some people wish we could have April days in February to give us extra time to prepare for the rest of the year.

      April Fools Day is on Monday this year, so be sure to screw up everybody’s sense of balance and come up with some elaborate thing to say that will give them pause this Monday.  Remember that your workplace probably has to report on activities for the end of the week and month, and there are plenty of chances to cause commotion.  Try mixing up your Monday by giving everybody a reason to laugh.  Wear a funny hat or something.

      The grass is going to start growing, which means you should start watching for crab grass and dandelions. I’m so in tune with my lawn, I can spot a dandelion at twenty paces as long as I have my glasses on.  If you’re a man, e sure to visit the DIY store in your area (both big chains if you have them); if you’re a woman, go with him and linger in the kitchen remodeling department.

      Finally, now that March is ending, let’s take a look back on the past three months and sigh with relief.  We don’t have to go through them ever again.

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    • While I Was Away

      Posted at 1:59 am by kayewer, on March 24, 2013

      I wish I had something riding on when the new pontiff would be chosen, because I knew when it would happen and I was watching when it did.  But that’s what happens when one goes on vacation.  Nobody knows what your life is like unless you choose to advertise it.  I didn’t brood on it: instead I’ve put money on the Powerball jackpot in the office pool now that I’ve gone back to the office.  The odds are worse than those of figuring out when the world would get a new pope, but it’s easier to handle losing on a lottery than on a prediction nobody witnessed.

      There was also the pending issue of the can opener.  I did buy a new one, and it works great, except that it is too sleek to handle large cans without toppling over.  Funny that we can live in space (having moved up from just sending a man to the moon–and we sent women, too) but not invent a good can opener.

      While I was gone my route to work changed dramatically.  It seems construction moves faster when you don’t see it for a week or more than it does for the months in which you’re driving in it.  I also received word that another leg of my journey will become a construction zone soon.  So I drive around hard hats and girders.  What else can happen to a long day’s journey to work that hasn’t already happened?

      The office was glad to have me back.  They didn’t have anything tragic or hectic occur in my absence, so even though they missed me they didn’t get desperate enough to call me for advice on anything.  The worst thing that happened was a bit of confusion about finding a printer toner cartridge. That’s one thing on which you can bet one will run out while you are away.

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    • On Vacation

      Posted at 1:52 am by kayewer, on March 10, 2013

      I am taking a week off.  With any luck, I’ll have the opportunity to use my new can opener before I return.

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    • The Can Opener Quest

      Posted at 3:23 am by kayewer, on March 3, 2013

      I have been on a mission to find a new electric can opener.  Sure I could use a manual one, and I have one or two in the kitchen drawer, but when time is an issue you can’t beat the efficiency of a working electronic device.  The one I’m using does open cans, but the darned thing won’t shut off afterward.  The can simply keeps spinning until you pull the plug.  Some folks would say you should unplug all devices when they’re not in use, but I have never known anybody who does that, and I have never been in the kitchen of somebody who says it.  I simply try to clean and inspect the device, but it stays unplugged and has finally outlived its usefulness.

      I tried Target (or, as one calls it to sound more upper-class, Tar-zhay) and was surprised to find no can openers in their kitchen ware aisles.  There were blenders and toasters and immersion style “boat motors” in colors to match a rainbow kitchen, but no electric can openers. Not even one by Mossimo.

      I had been in Boscov’s the other day, but the sales associate did not seem enthusiastic about their high prices or selection.  I felt a bit discouraged as well. One should not need to pay so much for such a device, even if it does say Cuisinart.

      That might explain why some cans now come in pop-top lids. There might well be a conspiracy against the can opener industry in which can makers are on a campaign to turn the public off to the things: they will make cans you can open with a flip of an aluminum tab, and the electric can openers will go the way of the dodo. It’s that type of plot that makes one want to buy two can openers; if one breaks, you have a replacement or, if they do go out of style, they may become a commodity on the black market someday.

      When I have tried everything, I then sigh in resignation and go to SLR*.  Yup, they had four models.  One was a basic $10 model in black or white; the second was for taller cans; a third came in all chrome and cost what one would expect for such amenities, and the fourth cut a “safety edge” below the actual top of the can to prevent injury.  The latter was out of the question, especially when trying to get a can of jellied cranberry sauce out in one perfect log.  I don’t want any flesh wounds on my cranberry sauce.

      I looked carefully at the features of each product.  One boasted a warranty; none boasted being made in America.  One also had a tool which rests in a special slot in back of the device and can be used to open plastic clam boxes and other annoying theft-proof containers of our privileged thievery centered society.

      The boxes for all of these items in stock had also been inspected by, it seems, every visitor to the aisle with a heavy hand and an inquiring mind.  They were mutilated enough to make one question the validity of the contents.  So I decided to try another location today, to find that only one model was on the shelf and had been opened.

      Maybe one of those old reliable Swing-A-Ways might not be such a bad idea after all.

      *(Wal-Mart, which I nicknamed the Store of Last Resort)

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      Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments | Tagged Boscovs, Electric Can Opener, Target, WalMart
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