Buying underwear shouldn’t be such a challenge. I spent some time checking out the packages of panties at “SLR” (WalMart, the “Store of Last Resort”), and it’s amazing how many choices there are if you tend to shop for utilitarian rather than thrilling undergarments.
The underpant for men tends to be boxers or briefs. Those men who are truly ripped may go for tighter and lower-cut varieties to show off their bodily accomplishments. At least boxers are amusing, coming in various patterns, colors and styles. A man who would wear Spongebob on his boxers would likely have a great sense of humor. Of course, one should be able to tell that before they see that Spongebob is on his boxers.
Woman, on the other hand, have panties in so many styles, it seems impossible to narrow down one’s choices. We have boy shorts (square), low-cut (think Speedos for gals), thongs, bikinis and briefs in enough colors and patterns to blind the shopping eye. I also counted eight sizing types, adding to the difficulty.
When you see a panty in a pattern you like, it’s usually in a package in the wrong size for you, or it’s surrounded by such horrendously patterned or colored package mates that it isn’t worth buying the lot for just one pair.
And these necessities come five or eight to a package, rolled up into neat little burritos of cotton or nylon and taped and lined up for maximum shopper appeal. And nobody has yet invented a hook that effectively leaves the packages on the rack without ripping out of the wrapping. Nor have they figured out how to stop people from opening a package to check the size before buying, then getting a fresh one because “this one is opened.”
If the week has seven days, neither choice gets you through them all without an inventory problem. I’ve noticed manufacturers throw in an extra pair in a value pack, making the total panties either six or nine. Maybe the packaging was invented by the same people who put ten hot dogs in a package while buns come in quantities of eight.
Another problem with packaged panties is their construction. They are never quite even; seams are off center, crotches are sometimes too narrow or wide, and some have trails of looped thread dangling from them in testament to the quick piecework process by which they are made.
The price is right, though. When you think about the price of similar garments at Victoria’s Secret, and the abuse they endure on the human body, there is a value to such things. As long as they fit and don’t show a line, they’ll do.
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