The ball is such a simple thing: perfectly round, it rolls, bounces or rotates on a display. We roll balls to each other, throw them, kick them or try to keep them from escaping on an incline. So why do we do silly things with them to confuse the simplicity of it all? I have seen some strange things passing for balls these days.
In the Walgreen’s the other day, I saw an oversized hand-held play ball with large round tumor-like growths on it. Fine for keeping it in one place and slowing it down if it gets away, but not really any more ergonomic than the original for holding. Also, it was too large to use as a sports ball of any kind. It seemed a waste of an idea.
The football stands out as something of an oxymoron. One can play soccer, which uses a ball, but the ball is a soccer ball or, in some countries, a football. The American football is not specifically designed for kicking, but for passing and carrying, too. If a ball is described as round, this oval object defies that concept. A lumbering player, burdened by fifty pounds of padding and a medically designed helmet to cushion the brain (but make the head sweat like a damp sponge) can wrap one huge paw around a football, and its aerodynamics ensure an awesome amount of air time as it’s passed across the field. However, it lands on the ground and bounces chaotically and, as Murphy’s law would have it, in the opposite direction to its designated catcher.
I never did understand why a ping-pong ball is called a ping-pong ball. It makes the same sound when it hits a paddle or a table, so call it either a ping ball or a pong ball. It apparently took only one ball to make the eyes of the original Muppet, Kermit (along with the fabric from an old green coat). If Jim Henson can make two eyes out of one ball, we can give it a simpler one syllable name.
Finally, I read in the Reader’s Digest that the cosmetic overachievers in our world have decided the family dog should not have to look sexually crippled after neutering. Neuticles(R) (they have a website) are artificial testicles that can be implanted to help Fido retain self-esteem and a false sense of definitive masculinity at the local fire hydrant. They cost around $200 a pair. And no, they aren’t symmetrically round, either, judging from the sample photos of the product.
Science tells us the planets are not perfect balls, either. I guess it stands to reason that we, in interacting with balls, are also just short of perfect symmetry.
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