Susan's Scribblings the Blog

A writer from the Philadelphia area shares the week online.
Susan's Scribblings the Blog
  • Who the Heck is Kayewer?
  • Monthly Archives: April 2010

    • Illegal Aliens: Zebras and Lions

      Posted at 1:47 am by kayewer, on April 25, 2010

      Life in general has a way of putting us in our place.  In the animal kingdom, the zebras stay in a group, as do the gazelles and warthogs, and lions come around only when they’re out to kill their next meal.  Otherwise, lions don’t belong where the zebras, gazelles and warthogs are.

      Human beings categorize and make rules for all sorts of things, but the most complicated system of categorizing  involves ourselves and where we belong.

      We tend to have places for (almost) everybody.  We prefer to keep criminals away from us by confining them to large, guarded penitentiaries.  We keep our children in school buildings or gated playgrounds to encourage their learning and protect them from harm.  We have state laws designed to help people enjoy a degree of comfort and confidence in the tenets of our law-abiding country.  We do, however, tend to see our state of residence as being unique and, much like those zebras, we get uncomfortable if a lion from someplace else wanders in.  They might be here for lunch.  Travel from state to state is a culture shock in itself, without somebody from overseas or north or south of us complicating matters.

      The common notion about Texans, for example, is that their gun laws are designed with their residents in mind, and it is possible that plenty of folks there carry guns.  If the law says it’s okay there, and folks are okay with that, then it’s a fine state law for Texas.  Let’s say, however, that a Texan takes a road trip to another state.  They might not want to pack heat there.  By the same token, somebody from the other 47 contiguous states who takes a trip down to the Lone Star State might want to bone up on the local culture, if for no other reason to avoid being freaked out by some local pulling their map out of the glove-box and having a pistol fall out behind it.

      Because so many people feel like fish out of water outside their own area, and because people tend to look suspiciously at anybody with a out-of-state license plate, we frequently wish–even if for a moment–the outsiders would not venture about.  After all, zebras aren’t known to deal with rogue zebras who want to eat them for dinner, do they?  Let’s keep the warthogs and gazelles, too, but we get nervous around lions.

      Arizona wants to keep illegal immigrants out of the state, so a new law has made it a state crime to be there without proper documentation.  If an officer has reason to believe that somebody may be illegally trespassing, they can ask for official proof, such as ID or work papers.

      There are arguments about profiling going around in light of this law.  After all, no zebra asks a lion for ID.  A lion is a threat to the culture of zebras and gazelles and warthogs.  The idea from the law partially stems from recent killings along the Mexican border:   the lunch was usually a hard-working Arizonian, and the lion was somebody hopping over the border with a desperation not unlike hunger.  So let’s go on record as saying these incidents involved criminal lions.

      It’s an unusual situation in Arizona and Mexico border states, involving lots of fish out of water.  What Arizona might need to do is sort out the zebras from the lions and figure out how best to keep their economy strong, whether it involves changing their labor policies or trying to physically keep the borders breach-proof.  However, they should remember that zebras don’t just live in Arizona, and lions don’t just come out of Mexico.

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    • I Wanna Know #1

      Posted at 2:19 am by kayewer, on April 18, 2010

      Life doesn’t always prepare you for the things that really happen.  Often we are left to wonder, assume or just accept that there are no answers to the questions that come up unexpectedly from unusual events.

      For example, this past week, while driving to and from work, I saw four dead things:  two hawks, a small dog and a cat.  The hawks’ bodies were lying, all lifeless feathers, along the side of the highway within tenths of a mile of each other.  It’s possible that they were fighting, either over territory or a mate, and suffered wounds severe enough to kill them both.  That, or a gun-happy hunter had a field day but didn’t claim his prizes.  It made me wonder how often the local road crews pick up roadkill.  Is there a phone number to call to report dead deer on the road?  Where do the bodies go?  If ornithologists count such birds, are those deaths accounted for as well?

      The dog–possibly a pug or small bulldog–was lying by the side of the same road as the hawks, not far from the tourist rest stop.  The cat was obviously somebody’s beloved pet, and was lying on the median closer to my destination at the time.  All these bodies have been unmoved for at least three days now.

      When a pet is killed on the highway, does somebody (possibly the aforementioned roadkill collection crew) check for a collar or identification?  Would they call the grieving family to report on what happened to their pets?

      I’m used to seeing deer on the road I travel, especially in winter.  One bad season I saw 15 separate incidents in one month.  Often the bodies remain unclaimed for a week or more.  Only when the animals are particularly large and block part of the lane does anybody come out to move it.

      Somebody should explain how these things work.  It might make a television series.  Sure it would be morbid, but it would also be factual.

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      Posted in Uncategorized | 0 Comments | Tagged lost pet, roadkill
    • Phone Apoplexy

      Posted at 1:22 am by kayewer, on April 11, 2010

      When Alexander Graham Bell summoned his assistant Mr. Watson with the first message heard on what became known as the telephone, maybe he should have simply repeated the telegraph’s first message:  what hath God wrought?  At the very least, it could have been an afterthought.

      Phones today fit in a pocket, take pictures, make your movie ticket reservations and help locate your car in a parking lot without the help of lamppost signage (“Remember everybody, we’re parked in G29”).  What they can’t do is hardwire some common sense into the user’s brain or encourage some manners in everyday society.

      Ringtones interrupt the opera house at least once every performance at the Metropolitan Opera.  Fortunately nobody there seems to program it for rap hits.  When society has to remind us in an entertainment venue to turn off electronic devices or set them to vibrate, we’ve become a little strange, if you ask me.  I admit, however, to finding vibrating phones amusing, especially when they vibrate off a tabletop onto the floor.

      Sometimes it’s a revelation when somebody’s phone rings.  The most respectable person in the room may have Def Leppard for a ringtone, and the dude with the multiple lip rings will answer the summons of Puccini (I’d rather have him in the audience at the opera).

      What I don’t understand is what is so important that people seem to chat on their cell phones constantly.  Don’t people stop to breathe anymore?  Even in the restroom I can hear conversations I would prefer not to be privy to (excuse the pun).  If I were on the receiving end of a call made from a restroom stall, I’d tell whoever it is to call back.

      I have a small non-committal plan, since I only use the phone for emergencies such as the time the train home was discontinued and it took me two hours to get out of the city with bus service.  I don’t use a gizmo to attach my cell phone calls to my ear, and I don’t access the Internet with it.  That probably makes me a dimwitted anachronism, but at least you won’t find me answering a ringtone in the restroom.

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    • The Public President

      Posted at 2:03 am by kayewer, on April 4, 2010

      Has anybody noticed that President Obama is always on the air?  The office cafeteria shows CNN every day on a wall-mounted screen, and it seems I have lunch every day with him, standing at yet another lectern with an agenda and speech going at full tilt.

      I don’t think any public figure in the United States, in the age of television, has been on the air more than Mr. Obama.  I’m sure somebody is keeping track of his total face time on the air.  Trying to digest lunch while our elected power player is discussing healthcare is rather unpleasant, though.

      When the president isn’t giving a speech, the news seems to concentrate on anything that will give us diners in the cafeteria a hard time.  I’d complain, but I don’t know what the building maintenance crew would substitute for CNN.  MTV, perhaps?

      At least we have the privilege of watching a groundbreaking US president set the wheels in motion to try to change our country to meet new goals in a world that is going topsy-turvy.  And he always wears a nice suit.

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